Two Inc The Podcast was produced to be listened to as an audio recording. Transcripts are generated using a combination of speech recognition software and human transcribers, and may contain errors. Please check the corresponding audio before quoting in print.
Shaun
We've been best friends for almost 14 years.
Isabeau
Best friends who fell in love.
Shaun
Today we're running multiple businesses, raising almost three boys, juggling family career,
Isabeau
finding our tribe, owning our individuality, pursuing our passions and creating a life that feels like it's authentically our own. I'm Isabeau, I'm Shaun. And together, we're Two Inc.
Isabeau
Welcome to the Two Inc podcast with Isabeau and Shaun
Shaun
Welcome, Welcome
Isabeau
Here, we're going to be talking about being partners in all things: business, parenting, love and life. So this is the first podcast we're recording. But we're not going to do a huge getting to know us thing because you're going to get to know us whether you like it or not
Shaun
We're pretty wide open
Isabeau
We're pretty open. And we'd rather you get to know us through the podcast that we're presenting to you. So we're just gonna jump right in.
Shaun
So I think the format that we're working on is we're picking a subject question topic for each podcast episode, and we're just gonna start there and kind of see where it takes us
Isabeau
exactly. We're kind of letting you in on the conversations that naturally happen in our household anyway.
Shaun
We're filled- we're a household filled with a lot of talkers. Even when the kids go to bed, we stay up.
Isabeau
And a lot of feelings. We have feelings about all the things everything
Shaun
Even our therapist says so
Shaun
Isabeau
our therapist is like you guys might want to feel things a little bit less. So. Today's podcast was inspired by a new workout craze that Shaun and I have kind of jumped on the band on on the bond wagon. We've jumped on the bond. We jumped on the bandwagon with a bit. Um, we bought a Peloton bike about two months ago. Now, yes, and we realized that we needed that because we can never leave our house because we have two tiny humans, soon to be three who demand all of our time and energy
Shaun
What we figured out. Was that you know? Yes. We wanted to go do the gym thing. We've done all sorts of different versions of that, but nothing was happening because, you know, if I couldn't go spend an hour at the gym, it wasn't worth leaving the house. But now I get a you know, at six o'clock or whatever and hop on the bike for 20 minutes.
Isabeau
Yeah, so we got this bike about eight weeks ago. I am currently five months pregnant, so it's been really interesting, cause we're obviously doing two very different workouts. And one of the cool things were really like about the Peloton is a community that it comes with. We're not even sponsored by them yet, but hopefully somebody's listening. OnePeloton.com- but we can give you a promo code. We're just not sponsored by them yet. Um, but so one of the great things about Peloton is the Peloton community that it's very like hooked into social media. And so there's a main Facebook group with the official Peloton Member Page, where there are thousands and thousands of members. And then there are all these kind of subject subcategories of different kinds of people that are riding like there's a singles group, which, obviously
Shaun
there's a Peloton and cocktails group for wine down Wednesday,
Isabeau
which Shaun may or may not be a part of, I don't know, um, but one of the groups that I joined is called the Peloton X X L group. Um which is for Peloton riders that are not, like super fit marathon runners, which I am definitely not. Um, some of you may know me remember me from being on season four of the biggest loser which happened a trillion years ago on NBC on NBC. At that point, it's coming back on USA though. So, you know, if they want to sponsor us, we got to get the branding right. Um, but this podcast topic was kind of inspired by something I saw on that page. I have been plus size curvy over we whatever you want to call it, basically, my entire life, um, obviously was on the biggest loser. You don't go on the biggest loser if your size for, um But, uh, my weight is something that used to be a struggle. Now, it's just kind of a part of who I am. I don't really think about trying to be something else. I just kind of am who I am. Um, but I know for a lot of people, they're actively, really trying to lose weight. And so this post is really interesting. Um, I won't share names. I won't share exact details. but basically the gist of it was Ah, Wife was on this sub sect Peloton page the XXL palate on. And, um, she was saying that it was really challenging for her to not feel badly about herself because her spouse is like a super fit guy, super and shape runner, biker all these things and she feels like she can't keep up. She doesn't feel attractive. And I thought it was really interesting because I happen to be married to a super fit, sexy guy. Thank you.
Shaun
Used to be underweight.
Isabeau
Yeah, by um so I just thought it was a really interesting question to pose. I obviously responded to her separately on the page, but I kind of wanted to open it up with Shaun and get his perspective and talk it out between the two of us because, honestly, as I said, I would be lying if I said that my weight effects absolutely nothing about like my psyche in my life. However, it's just not at the forefront of every single day of my life. And it's certainly not something I feel inadequate because off so Shaun
Shaun
Well, so I think one of the things interesting with this is body image is a big issue in most people's lives these days. I think it's been particularly highlighted by things like you know, instagram and all the different socials and and a lot of the retouching that's going on. So there's a false sense of what your body is supposed to look like, you know, whether it's, you know, fit or plus size or anything in between. Um, I think there's a keen awareness to it now. So I guess you know, since this is originating with the perspective of From Where You're coming from, what is What's your knee jerk reaction to something like that?
Isabeau
Well, my knee jerk reaction and kind of what I responded to the group, um, is that I don't think your value has to do with your weight. I spent a long time believing that lie, and then I got skinny on the biggest loser. I mean skinny being relative for me. I was a size 10 and that's the smallest I've ever been. I could run four and 1/2 miles, which is the most I could and have ever run. Um, and I was probably more unhappy then than I've ever been at a bigger size and it had nothing to do. It's like, Oh, I just wasn't happy, skinny. It had to do with the fact that I felt a lot of pressure. People started popping out of the woodwork who, like, had never been a part of my life, and all of a sudden they want to be a part of my life. And whether that was because of the weight or because of the notoriety of being on a TV show probably had more to do with the notoriety of being on TV show. But it's still I realized in that moment when I was on the stage with lights on me and cameras on me and shooting subway commercials and got milk commercials that my value is not intrinsically tied to the number on a scale. And so what I told this person on this Facebook group was that she had to think of all the amazing things that she added to her husband's life outside of or even because off her weight, you know, what were her hobbies? That she liked to do the added value to his life into his situation. Um you and I are very different body types and because of that, not even because of that, maybe our body types are a result of the things that we most enjoy doing. I love to write. I love to have conversations and meet up with people for a lunch and coffee. I love to go to the theater. I love to write music. I love to do a lot of things that are inherently sedentary. I'm not, Nor have I ever been like a person who cannot wait to go on a hike or cannot wait to go on a run. And I don't mind trying to do active things. Now I think you pushed me to do more active things, which is like part of your value with you. But I also think like part of my value with me is that you now do a lot of those things that I just mentioned.
Shaun
Absolutely.
Isabeau
Because they have become shared interest now. So it doesn't mean that you are less active, like you still like to go mountain biking and you still like to go running. You still like to do very active things, and I probably go for more walks than I ever have. And like, I'll, go kayaking, which I never did before you But at the end of the day, like my baseline is still doing things that are kind of like, you know, cerebral.
Shaun
Sure. So I guess what I'm curious about is so for anyone who doesn't doesn't know us well, we've known each other for a long, long time. We were best friends since before we we started dating. And, you know, we've been very, very, very close.
Isabeau
We truly were friends first, like we were friends for 14 years before we- No. Sorry. We've been friends for 14 years out. We're friends for 10 years before we even entertained any kind of non platonic relationship
Shaun
seen each other through all sorts of things. So it, you know, marriages, relationships and all that. But in so that being said there years, even before that. So I'm curious. You know, I know at least one of your past relationships. I know your relationship with me. But when in what way, I guess has has something like this come into play like you know, in your dating life, in your in things like that is this something that you have? Um, that has come up and that you've been aware of throughout the years and has now evolved to this healthy place that you are. Or what has that been like for you?
Isabeau
For sure, where I am right now at 34 years old and, you know, five months pregnant and two kids, two and 1/2 kids and a marriage that I feel incredibly secure and supported and loved in? Um, that's really new. Uh, in high school, I my best friends were gorgeous cheerleaders, and I was a size 22. So, you know, I had a lot of guy friends that would come to me. To asked me to hook them up with my best friends, but yet they would spend more time with me, and then they'd like, go hook up with my friends. So, like, in high school, that happened a lot. Then in college, I lost weight. I lost, like, 80 pounds in college. Um, between like my second and third year. And when I came back, I still was, like, considered bigger and curvier, I was like a size 18 then but, um But I had a lot more attention, and I dated a lot more. And what was interesting then, is the guy that I started seriously dating at that time still had a hard time like quote claiming me so we would hook up. We would. It was widely known that we were together, and I have it on very good authority with mutual friends of ours from that time frame that he said things like, If Beau which is my nickname, by the way, if Beau would just lose 25 pounds then I would totally date her even though we were already hooking up.
Shaun
So what was the voice in your head doing then?
Isabeau
I wanted to win that I think I wanted in that particular relationship. He was a traditionally fit guy, traditionally good looking, and I'd kind of all a little
Shaun
bit like a Ken doll. I know the guy very well,
Isabeau
and I'd always been told that, you know, by fashion magazines, by family, by friends like that, you have to be a certain way. You have to look a certain way to have a certain kind of person in your life, and, um so I just kind of wanted to win, I think. And that led me down quite the rabbit hole.
Shaun
So was it Did it present itself more as a challenge than anything? Or could you clarify with that?
Isabeau
Yeah. I mean, I think the biggest thing was I I always thought it was really special. Like, I think that, too, that's why I married you
Shaun
why I married
Isabeau
you. I appreciate that. But like, I mean, it's funny, cause I remember when I was a little girl and my weight was an issue, especially for my parents who had a hard time with me being overweight because they're very fit. My whole family's very fit. I remember my mom and my dad saying things like, you know, and they meant it very lovingly, but they'd say things like, You know, you just look in the mirror and see Marilyn Monroe like you, just like I don't see the reality And they said it in a way, like and that's really cool for you, but you need to you need to see like what you're really up against. But I really didn't see anything wrong with me. Like I thought I was really pretty. I knew I was really smart. I knew I was really talented. I've always been super ambitious. So to me, I didn't think there was anything wrong. Um, even though I had all these people tell me that there is something wrong with being overweight. So I think for me, I was, like, on this single handed crusade to prove to the men of the world that it didn't matter if a girl was a size 18 or 20 or 22 or whatever it because I had a lot to offer and I wanted to prove that
Shaun
Wow, that makes a lot of sense.
Isabeau
Hey, now, I know you In college you were, like, 125 pounds. You are, like the opposite. Like when we met. I was a size 18 and you were wearing literal like size four women's skinny jeans. Maybe not as I thought. Maybe like a size six. I
Shaun
can remember what it was, but yeah, no, I mean, I I was very small. It was just ruthlessly made fun of and bullied for my small size. I'm 5'7" I graduated high school at about 128 pounds roughly. I mean, I was very healthy. I well I was racing mountain bikes and snowboarding and, you know, all sorts of stuff, so I was very capable. But my body type was just very thin. And that's all of them. Actually, one of my parents Ah, used to comment on all the time. You know, you could really stand up, put on a few pounds. I No, I always get the woe Woe is me. You know, you need to gain weight. But I mean, body image. Like I said earlier, it's a real thing. And, you know, that was when I was, you know, 17 years old, And I'm 34 now, and I still hear that in the back of my head. Um, you know, I still look at the scale of say, man, if only I did this. Do
Isabeau
you think that your weight at that time or even at this time, do you think that it has affected the choices you've made? Choosing romantic partners are saying and romantic relationships.
Shaun
I think early on, especially in college and in my early twenties, um, for most of my twenties, actually, probably until a few years before we got together. Um, well, maybe even maybe even passed that, um my feeling about my body and how in shape I was and how much I was at the gym really affected the way I acted on a day to day basis.
Isabeau
How so?
Shaun
Um I mean, I always felt physically I felt better. I always liked feeling strong. Um, but I felt better when I looked in the mirror and looked a certain way. I felt like, Oh, now, girls would pay attention to me because I had so full, full disclosure. You know, people talk about having game, you know, I had a negative game, but we'll tell you that, like, I did not know how to talk to girls, I had no idea what I was doing.
Isabeau
You had a really good best friend coach, though for many, many of your single years.
Shaun
And also she knows all of the dirt, all of the details from everything, every relationship, every hook up, every every road story, everything. So
Isabeau
yeah, like the first girl that I really knew you two seriously date was, in my opinion, maybe not the healthiest relationship, I'd say, probably in your opinion, too. And, you know, I wonder, like, did your body image play into your stain in that relationship past the point where it was healthy. I think at
Shaun
that point in my life, I had some other internal stuff going on. Besides body image. Um, where I had a lot of self self worth, like stuff going on. That was part body image part a lot of other things. Um, So that relationship was just like, Oh, my God. I want someone to love me, you know, just because at that point in my life, I didn't I didn't I had just Ah, I just lost my mom a couple years earlier. Um, and just like it was aching for love in my life. So that relationship was just not something very good. Yeah, I think going forward, um, you know, I think there's a lot of toxic masculinity out there. I love that that term is out there now, and I love that. That's something we're talking about, um, because it's allowing me to see certain things that I was kind of felt were wrong, and now it's kind of validated. Um, because I grew up with, like, a single feminist mother, raising an only child. Boy s Oh, um, I kinda had a feeling when things were a little off, but, um, you know, there's always a lot of pressure from other guy friends being like, Oh, you need to, you know, take the hot chick home, you know, and, you know, I'm gonna sound a little crass on some of this stuff, but it was really like that. Like, Oh, who who'd you nail like, really kind of. It is kind of gross, actually thinking back onto it. And I know a lot of guys still talk that way and think there's absolutely nothing wrong with it, you know? It's like, you know, it's the whole, like when you're in high school, what base did you get to? You know, that goes back, like, decades and decades, right? Um, but yeah. I mean, you know, there was a lot of pressure to date the quote hot chick, you know, And, um and there were a lot of times when you know, you go to meet the meet a girl at a bar or whatever, and be like, Okay, so she's She's traditionally hot, I guess. Um but there's not, you know, in certain amount saying all attractive women are aren't brilliant because many are. But, you know, you'd find yourself talking to someone because of the way they look. Not because of who they are and that to me never sat. Well.
Isabeau
Well, now that you I mean, you've put on, like, 40 pounds pretty much since those days. Like, ah, healthy 40. 30 40. Whatever. Um, and like a good looking 30 40 pounds. I mean, you were You've always been good looking. Um, but do you think that now that you're a different size, the different stature I mean to paint a bit of a picture You started CrossFit several years ago. You have much more muscle mass than you did at that point.
Shaun
It's really hard to build that.
Isabeau
Yeah, but do you feel like having a different body type now that you still feel kind of like the kid that weighed 128 pounds that needs to feel validation? Or do you feel like you've come to a different place with your body?
Shaun
I've come to a different place with my life. Very much like what you were talking about earlier. Um, now if I would if I was 34 single. And, um, you know, didn't have kids and all that. This would be a very different. This would probably be a different conversation. Um, maybe it wouldn't I don't know, but I'm very as we talk about all the time. I'm very, very happy in my life right now. It's the happiest I've ever been. Um, you know, I've just very content with with the love and the people in my life. So, um, is that being said, I can back up a number of years and kind of think about how, you know, I've kind of steadied at this weight for a little bit.
Isabeau
Well, when you look in the mirror, who looks back at you, the guy you are now or yeah,
Shaun
yeah, yeah. Interesting. You know, and I still, you know, I saw the idea of like, Oh, I want to look like the guy on the cover of men's health, you know, And
Isabeau
you kind of do that. So I
Shaun
I appreciate that. Um, but yeah, it's It's weird. It's a weird thing like this. There's just an outward pressure look a certain way. Um, I feel better about myself. Physically and maybe I don't know if it's the cart before the horse or what, But, you know, I reached this point where my body looked a certain way, and around that same time, I'm was falling in love with with you at with my best friend And, you know, my family life, my nuclear family life was building in a really great way. My career was was changing and a lot of things were lining up. So, you know, it's tough to say that it was one thing or another, but I think the fact that I looked a certain way and so actually I remember this one very specific instance and this doesn't have to do with dating, but it has to do with just body image, I guess. Um, we S o. I used to spend time. I was a professional musician for a long time. I used to tour do things like that and I've gotten a call Thio. I'd take it a little bit of time off from road stuff and I got a call to play on. I think the CMA Awards with with a group and right around that time, some of the guys from, uh, another group that had come up and we're just gonna blowing up in the country music scene. They were playing it too, so I hadn't seen them in a while. And one of the guys walks up to me backstage, You know, we're back in the bowels of the arena,
Isabeau
and they're really famous. Yeah, uh,
Shaun
and Tyler's like, um,
Isabeau
man, have you been
Shaun
working out? So at that point, he hadn't seen me until 30 pounds later. And like, I'm filling out my shirts in a different way, I'm carrying myself differently. I'm probably my shoulders are back because I was working on my body to look that way. Um, and honestly, part of the reason why I had gotten to this point physically with my body was I needed in my mind. I'm presenting myself on stage. I need to present myself in a certain way and visit in my physical appearance plays into that a lot. Eyes like, you know, the same way people on TV do different things. Um, and I'll never forget how good that made me feel because I'd worked for it. And I have gotten, you know, essentially the approval of this guy who was on the cover of all these magazines and all over the place going man, look at you. You've done that. You look great. This awesome. Yeah, I
Isabeau
e That feels good to anybody regard like and not just necessarily having to do with your body. But anytime somebody recognizes especially effort. I mean, it's one thing to be noticed for something that's kind of God given, I mean for me at least. But when someone notices something that's effort based, I just I always think that's really special.
Shaun
I think that was the probably one of the bigger parts of it was that I had changed my diet. Change my whole life style, too, to change my physical appearance.
Isabeau
Yeah, So you talked a little bit about how when you're in high school and maybe even college how there's, like, this pressure to date, like the hot, traditionally fit girl and you know, I mean, I know a variety of different girls that you've dated. They all kind of range like they're kind of all over the place, spectrum wise. Do you feel like you have a type?
Shaun
No, no, I I think types Air funny because, especially when you're like, talking about, like, dating quizzes and things like that he used to talk about in your twenties and your teens or junior high school, whatever, you know, like I I like butts or I like blondes or what? You know, I never had a thing. It was always about the person.
Isabeau
Was it always about the person, though,
Shaun
you know, ideally, yes. But I mean, they're definitely times I'm not gonna tell you that I only dated people because of, ah, 100% because of who they were. There was a time in my life where I was dating because of the way people looked and because I never had was never able to before that, Um, like I said when I had negative game, like, I did not know what to do when I, you know, I had no idea what I was doing.
Isabeau
I think you have more game than you thought. You know what? Here's the thing you had game you just had, like, 35 year old game instead of like 24 year old.
Shaun
That's what every 24 year old wants. You know, it's a bit like an old man.
Isabeau
No, but you're just you're just ahead of your time because, like, that's the thing. If you were single now, doing some of the things that I know you two have done in your twenties like you would have had all the single moms lining up around the block, you were like writing girls songs and, like, you know, making them dinner and taking them to vineyards And, like, 24 year old girls just want to, like, get drunk of tequila shots.
Shaun
24 year old girls typically more than that, I want to be blown off. And they want the chase. Yeah, which is so weird for me. I'm like, here. I'm giving you this thing that you say you want and you don't want it. What's going on?
Isabeau
Why now? Well, just just know that I'm sure they all wonder what they were doing now, But, um, so I mean, that being said, you don't have a type. You know, I do feel like though everybody has certain things and people that they're attracted to, and it's nice to say like, Oh, I'm just attracted to the person and to what they bring to the table but physically, like there are attributes that cannot be overlooked. I mean, are you attracted to smaller women to larger women? Like what? What? Knowing that you've dated all kinds of kinds, you know? What do you like about different body types that you've dated?
Shaun
Yeah. I want to make sure I answer this
Isabeau
thing. This is not a trap by every guy, and the world is a trap. I
Shaun
feel like this might be a minefield.
Isabeau
It's not. It's not know, But I think
Shaun
the answer to that really comes with where I was or am at any given point in my life.
Isabeau
Like here. Here, I'm gonna make it less of a trap. Thank you. Way we have an amazing sex life, I think, Yeah. I mean, more than any one I've ever dated. And I believe, more than anyone you've ever dated, I think we have a very healthy, consistent, variety filled sex life. And so pictures No way won't go any further than that in this podcast in this episode. But, um, you know, I am definitely I definitely have a different body type than some of the women you've dated, but so I would have looked at some of those women who were traditionally fit, traditionally thin, even some of whom were, you know, unusually thin. And I would say that's interesting that he can have such a successful sex life. Such a wonderful sex life with someone who is a size 20 and someone who's a size two. I mean, typically, most guys like they have a type, you know, they have some kind of type.
Shaun
I mean, I guess the one thing is I didn't like I never went for girls who were, like, abnormally skinny one time you did? Yeah. And like I said, I don't go for that. Yeah, and I mean, I mean, like, very, very, very skinny like
Isabeau
No, not that there's anything wrong with it
Shaun
just wasn't my thing, like right? Honestly, when the bones were sticking out,
Isabeau
it hurts. It's honest. Um, but no, I mean really well lately a thing. Well, for, like this woman who like getting back to the original inspiration for this podcast, who is concerned that, like her husband, can't be attracted term. Whatever. Like what is attractive to you about me and my body type?
Shaun
I mean, I I find you to be absolutely gorgeous. Just I do. It's It's very simple. Um, that being said like I knew you first. I knew you. I knew you as a person. I knew you. And I know I'm feels like I'm skirting the question, but like I, I find you beautiful. And it's not because you're a certain body type or you're not like it's it's more than just personality. It can be boiled until its physical appearance, but I I find that you're really sexy and really beautiful. And, you know, I don't know how else to put it.
Isabeau
No, I mean, I guess the thing is like when it comes to our sex life, beats sides, having a healthy one and one that you know has many facets is ours does, like I definitely feel in a positive way, objectified by you sometimes, like in a very positive way, in a way that's like very self assuring not self surely yes, but very assuring. And, um, you know, I mean, you are very quick to tell me most of the time, like things that you find sexy about me. I mean, do you feel like that's unusual for men to find it's exceed tohave someone who's rounder and have someone who's fuller and all of that.
Shaun
I'd be traditionally, like according to like the locker room talk in high school. Yeah, um, but that's never really mattered to me.
Isabeau
Frankly, I think the only way it's ever really mattered tow any dude is how it reflects socially because I mean, to be honest. And you know this because you know all my stories, like I've never had trouble getting laid. I mean, I've had trouble getting guys to acknowledge that we are a thing because of the locker room talk and they don't want to tell their body is that they're dating the quote fat girl. But I have never had any complaints otherwise.
Shaun
So, speaking of so that the public thing is, one question I had for you is have people especially knowing that you've mean like, so we have different body types, you and and this other major relationship in your life have had different body types. I'd never knew you before that I really only know you known you through to relationships too very long ones. But, um, have you gotten comments or reactions? Besides people saying you know the the guy saying, No, we're not in a relationship external public comments or reactions from people talking about the difference in your body types or like criticizing you or anything like that.
Isabeau
I hear ah lot from many, many, many plus size women that they are, like, targeted that, like people will say things so damn like cab drivers and strand, um, strangers. And honestly, I've never I mean, to my knowledge, I have never experienced anything from, like, an external opinion. I'm sure that they've been said behind my back. Um but to my knowledge, I don't know, I kind of live in this place. That's probably like a total dreamland. But I live in this place where, like everybody thinks I'm a school is, I think, pretty cool on. And I just I I think anybody that I've slept with or dated or hooked up with any of their surrounding friends that have known me like me, even if Justus a friend and they wouldn't, like, shun that person for being attracted to me, um, I think you know, I pretty much almost every guy I've dated You know what? I'm even gonna take that back. Every guy I've dated has been traditionally good looking. I have always dated guys who work out. I've always dated guys with great bodies, even if they don't work out like they just are naturally like athletic. Um, I have always dated guys who other girls want a date. Um, I don't think I've ever dated a guy that, like, would be classified as unattractive, at least to me. Um and yeah, there have definitely been issues with, like, certain guys claiming me as someone they're hooking up with or someone they're dating or someone they're in a relationship with. But there have also been many, many guys that don't seem to really care either. Um, I mean, I think, honestly, probably the most backlash I've gotten is early on from myself of being concerned that there would be a difference of my high school boyfriend was very thin, like he was anything like he on the range of guys I've dated. He was one of the thinner ones. Like he was probably about the size you were when we met. So he was like, 100 and £30 ish. And 57 and I remember before we started dating and he was like, very into me. Very willing. Thio own our relationship, and I remember being very concerned about what people would think with him dating me and vice versa like that. We were so mismatched. Um and really nobody cared like everybody has their own thing. And that's part of what I said to this woman on this post. To is like Maybe people do care in other places are like I have a few friends in New York City that are overweight, and they say It's like a different world there if you're overweight. But for me, I've just I've never experienced that.
Shaun
That's that's great. I'm glad.
Isabeau
Yeah, I mean,
Shaun
you always here They're not always be here terrible stories about, you know, things that are said to people because of their weight and that people were. Some people feel like they congee just be open and say things that you would you shouldn't have just never to say to somebody,
Isabeau
honestly, that that hardest comments come from kids. Yeah, like adults. I I feel like adults know better, but it's ever in relation to like who I'm dating. It's like, you know, like your kid will be like she is bigger than my dad and you're like, Well, I am. I mean, I'm I'm tall for a woman.
Shaun
Kids were One thing that we know, especially having kids young kids is that they don't have a filter, and they are honest to what their brain tells them,
Isabeau
right? And so kids are, like, very honest, and you can't even really I mean, you can't get mad at it. You can't get mad when, like, your kidsfriends says something like, Are you having a baby? And you're not. I mean, fortunately, I am. So for like, four more months, I do have an excuse, but you can't really get mad about it. Can definitely staying because you're like, I don't want to be bigger than your dad, But, um, at the same time, I don't know what size their data is there. Dad might be 100 and £15.5 foot three. So, like, yeah, I
Shaun
mean, think of what I've been,
Isabeau
you know? So so I mean, I try not to take that personally, but I would say the only other place that I've ever had someone even make a comment about like people a day or like how a date is from other women who are overweight. It was so and it's not. It's not. It's it's actually, it's funny. It's like asking how I get guys to like me or asking like I had one friend. She's a friend of mine and she's super amazing. She's this amazing woman who is successful in her career. Talented, funny, beautiful. She's also always struggled with her weight, been considered plus size, but again, like not abnormally so not like to the point that you're seriously seriously concerned for her health. Um, and you know, she sent me Aah! Direct message on Instagram Once it was like, I don't understand how you date all these hot guys on. I want to do right back because I'm a hot girl. But I also like I also I'm friends with a lot of guys, and most of the guys I've ended up dating have stemmed from friendship. So I think, you know, I do think there's something to be said for for getting together with a friend. It's it's comfortable. There is. When you do that, there's typically some kind of underlying sexual tension, and it's kind of natural for most friendships to evolve from platonic into not platonic.
Shaun
Sure. So, I mean, I guess this is probably a topic for another conversation. But, you know, I guess that they're well, no, no, I think this should be another conversation, but just to brush over the surface, like I I think that gets into dating culture more than it gets into, you know, you know, body type and wait and things like that because, you know, we're talking about in the way the way we met and the way our friendship developed was like you said as friends and, um and, you know, from my years of dating there, you know, when you think of Okay, where am I gonna meet someone you go to, like, a bar and you, like, sit down next to somebody or you like you think about from, like, a movie. You see, you know, some some Carson on the other side of a bar that you're gonna send a drink to and then maybe strike up a conversation and like, that's not the way any of the relationships that have any relationship that I've really liked in my life like thinking back onto them because obviously, you know, only one of them has worked out. But there were other ones that I have value better than I do. Value did value. Um, you know, they just weren't the right ones for me, but they all all of the ones that had that kind of value stemmed from situations that were not just meeting in a bar or, you know, this this general idea of, like, how you're supposed to meet someone. It was very much more like what you're saying of, like, a being friends and because there's a much deeper, broader foundation to build on there.
Isabeau
Yeah, and I think it we can definitely dive into this more in another podcast, like specifically about dating, but and this is obviously a vast generalization. But I think part of the reason I've dated hot guys as a bigger girl and part of the reason like my weight has been less of an issue is because I didn't meet anybody that I was dating, like in organically. Um, I almost interrupted what you were saying to say fat girls can't meet people in a bar, but that's obviously not true. I've met people in a bar I've hooked up with people that I've met in a bar. Um, I've dated people I've met in a bar, but I agree with you like my most meaningful relationships, where my weight I don't even feel like it was part of really the equation, even though it obviously Woz. But those are people I've met organically and have gotten to know through work or through school or whatever. And they already knew me, including what I look like. There was no, like, Shaq and off like, Oh, my God, she's a size 20. It's like, Yeah, I know that I've seen her for the last six months, like every single day. So, um, yeah, I mean, I you know, I think, though, ah, lot of the shame that some people feel is but is has nothing really to do with who they actually are and who their spouse actually is. But it has to do with what they think they're supposed to be. Um, so I don't know. I mean, have you ever felt that my body type for my lack of fitness has negatively impacted your life or your ability to participate in, like, fitness activities.
Shaun
No, I mean, I don't think it's been something like that. I mean, the only things were our personality things where and this is I'm gonna back up because I realized that it's gonna come off wrong. Um, like I like to go camping.
Isabeau
That has nothing to do with fitness, though exactly. But those are the
Shaun
types of things like, I love to go trail running, and I love to go mountain biking. And those are things that you don't like and that's I don't know that. I mean, maybe it is because of body type. Maybe it's not. I don't think it is really fully because of your body type of thing. It's just interests, you know?
Isabeau
Well, I mean, I'm not gonna lie and say like, Oh, I would hate mountain biking and trail running even if I was a size, too, because I have never been a size, too. I mean, what I know is I don't like doing those things because number one, they're hard, like they're hard for me to know, and that's been really helpful to like both of us being really up front and you being like Oh, no, that's hard. Like
Shaun
for me. Even if I'm getting into a point where I'm in really, really good shape at something, it it's never gonna be easy because I always want to get better at it, right, So he's gonna be hard.
Isabeau
So having movie like I mean, honestly, one of the better things I ever did for my psychological relationship to my body was to do CrossFit um,
Shaun
I was actually gonna bring that up a little bit.
Isabeau
Yeah, before cross that became like this crazy, competitive competitive thing that now is very, very hard for any just Lehman to participate in its not for regular. It's her regular humans anymore. But when we started it, what five and 1/2 years ago? Six years ago, it was very much like scalable fitness for everybody. And it was like the best thing I ever did for my psyche. CrossFit at that time, because I was working out alongside athletes and I was doing essentially the same workout is them, except, like they would be running six laps and I would be running three. And so obviously it's not exactly the same workout, but it's the same quality, if not the same quantity, and it made me feel really empowered and really strong. So I think that, like that is a really good thing to have done because I realized like those athletes were just scaling up. It was equally as hard for them as it was for someone who was like, pretty much completely out of shape, like me. And we were doing the same workout but differently. Um, but yeah, I mean, you know, outside of the fact that it's hard and that I have an iPod and I sweat a lot like I sweat more than just like any other human being.
Shaun
You say yourself that your face sweater
Isabeau
I have Fawcett face.
Shaun
It's It's not like you're sweating all over your body. It's just very intrusively. Your body's like,
Isabeau
No, I just want you to know there's a lot
Shaun
of sweat coming out of your face. It's in your
Isabeau
eyes, is in my mouth.
Shaun
Your face is like one of those really personal places. Like if something hurts on your face, it feels like it's in your yourself. I don't know.
Isabeau
Yeah, I know. And so I sweat a lot. And then when you take things outside your also getting mosquito bites and like they're snakes. We live in Tennessee like they're spider like I just don't find any of that even remotely appealing in it.
Shaun
I don't want to go camping. E wanted, like, Ah, Canyon, Utah.
Isabeau
It's not just because I'm overweight, like it probably does have something to do with the fact that Lake, I mean, when you and I go on like a walk together and granted, like I'm I know I'm pregnant right now, whatever. But when we go on a walk together and you're just like talking like this and that and I'm like I went to the grocery store then that doesn't make me feel sexy or good or accomplished, and it makes me think like, Oh, God, he probably is like, What am I even doing
Shaun
it this toe? I couldn't tell you one time that you did that.
Isabeau
I can tell you that it's every time. That's what I'm saying, Lee,
Shaun
you're thinking, I'm watching you and thinking, Oh my God, what's this? What's this girl doing it? And for me, I there's literally been not one single time that that has ever registered with me. Yeah. I mean, I think the only time I'm aware of it is when you're further along pregnancy, because it's like Okay, well, I want to make sure she doesn't overdo it, because that has bigger ramifications. But the rest of the time, I've never been like, Oh, we need to slow it down or like whatever. Because, you know, the you know where your body is and like what you're you can do. And we just kind of do that. That's perfect.
Isabeau
Well, I think that's where Wait gets really tricky. And like what part of this post was really interesting is because, like, wait more often than not or like the perception of weight and body image has way more effect on you individually, then it does on the person that you're afraid it's affecting. You know what I mean? Like every time, every time I felt like bad about myself or whatever, and any time it's ever registered is like, Oh my gosh, Sean must think I'm this or I'm a failure on that room out of shape. I don't think probably you've ever thought those things about me, at least not in in congruence with my thoughts about it. So I think that that's what makes us so tricky is we all have these stories that we tell ourselves about what someone else must be thinking about us when in actuality, like because everybody else has their own and securities in their own thing. Like this woman, for example, who's like my husband's a marathon runner, and he is probably so embarrassed by me. Your husband's probably just trying to beat his marathon time, you know? I mean, like, he probably doesn't really. He's probably grateful that you're not going out on training runs with him, so he doesn't need to worry about, like, you know, not succeeding in front of you or, you know, And he all He has to worry about shaving two minutes off his time, and he doesn't need to worry about his partner. So I mean, I can't speak for everybody. I'm sure that there are guys out there who dating someone who was not at the same fitness levels them would be inhibiting. But I think 90% of the time it's a self made problem.
Shaun
Yeah, I mean, I completely agree that the voice inside our heads is really it. Can most the time be our biggest worst enemy? Our biggest worst, the worst. I'm gonna keep
Isabeau
thinking first. I like.
Shaun
So I guess, speaking of crossfit and all that, um, we we mentioned that we would probably bringing this up, but we one of her shows that we really love to watch is this is us. Um, you know, we cry weekly least once a week,
Isabeau
and Christy Mats and I are basically best friends. We're not. We met one time, but but I I hugged her. And I told her how brave I think she was because of the book that Shiro has nothing to do with her portrayal of Kate, which is also genius. But I just I think her book is such a testament to what the struggle is to be an overweight woman. So, um, I just really admire her for her courage and sharing so many details about her life.
Shaun
So I think one of what, you know, if you're not caught up at this point, sorry. No, that's fine. Um, I agree with all of what you see here. Uh, yeah, um, in one of the more recent episodes, Kate the Kates. The character Kate finds out that her husband, Toby, his and spoiler, if you hadn't gotten this mute for the next 30 seconds, whatever she finds out that he's been sneaking off to the gym, specifically CrossFit. Because everyone has a target on the back of CrossFit, sometimes rightfully so. But, um, and that he has been lying about. He's going out to get groceries or what Africa but and all of a sudden he's, like, Lost all this way and all this stuff. Um, so what has what did that episode and like? And that contact seeing that on T v. Ah, and the way they highlighted different things. What did that make you think? What, what did that bring up for you?
Isabeau
A few different things, Um, first,
Shaun
because I think that really gets into sorry. I think that really gets into what this woman may have been posting about. Sure. So glad.
Isabeau
Well, first, I think what's tricky about it is I love this is us. It's like one of my favorite TV shows in the world. However, I think the portrayal of what it is to be an overweight woman in actuality is not bad. It's just not three dimensional. I think that being overweight, struggling with your body image, struggling with your romantic relationships with your sexual relationships, like anything having to center around your weight like it is very complicated. It's not like I'm overweight, and therefore I'm sad. I mean, when I've been like the heaviest I've been, which is not right now. But when I've been like the heaviest I've ever been, it's not just shame that goes into that like sometimes you feel a lot of shame. Sometimes you feel super sexy sometimes like and I don't feel like this is us always paints a complete picture of what it means to be overweight. Um, so that's my first thought is like The character of K is brilliantly played by Carsey Mets. However, I think that it could be more complex than just a what was me? I'm overweight, I eat my food. I ate my emotions and like that's who I am because at least like I don't go around every day thinking that I'm a victim because of my weight.
Shaun
So I guess I pathetically like, let's say whoever it is, he's trying to lose the weight loses the way. What you're saying is that those problems are still there.
Isabeau
You deeply I mean, like, those problems really have nothing to do with weight, like someone who isn't a position like that, where every single day their thoughts about themselves are governing their choices and governing the relationships. That's not a weight issue. That's a person issue. So I mean, that's number one, how I feel about it. But what you're really zero in and on here is the dynamic between Kate, who is overweight on the show, and her relationship with Toby, her husband, who once was overweight and has decided to channel Hiss frustrations and his joy and his everything into getting fit instead of eating his emotions. Basically, um, it's interesting because you can definitely feel the insecurity of that. I mean, you always go to the gym. I go to the gym often, Um, I like to work out. Um, they're sometimes I go the gym more than you do. We typically go to different gyms because you like to do CrossFit and I like to go work out at the Y. Um, and I would be lying if I said that there wasn't a small part of me that I don't know if jealous is the right word. Or I guess I'm aware of the fact that when you go to the gym you're definitely working out with, like, traditionally hot women, Elliot. And again it depends. What, Jim, you're going to you go to a couple different ones, but like you're working out with people who have traditionally attractive body types and that I think cross, that is kind of a sexual thing. Anyway, like you're all kind of breathing in synchronicity like there is something kind of animalistic
Shaun
really romanticize
Isabeau
it. But I think that there is, like, an awareness of that. And when you come back from CrossFit, especially when you're going regularly, it's definitely is something I'm aware of. If I'm not doing it with you and thinking to myself, maybe I should get back into CrossFit. Uh, so why? Because I mean number one full disclosure like history of us. When we got together, we were both going across that religiously and like I was feeling really good, I'd lost £20. I only like £10 heavier than I was at that point, but I lost like quite a bit of weight. My whole body, like free shaped itself. Yeah,
Shaun
very like at that point in time, you and I were both pushing ourselves physically to see, like, how much weight we can lift. That's a big thing. And we were, like, basically on par with each other.
Isabeau
And like, obviously because you just brought it up to this day, you still talk about it in a way that almost is, like, romanticizing it like, Oh, we really going neck and neck like you're so strong. And it made me feel really capable and really sexy. And so now that I don't really do CrossFit and haven't for several years since my favorite Jim closed down, um, I feel like well, after because we started our relationship on that. Does it make me less sexy? Because I don't do that anymore. You know, I don't really worry about like you going to the gym and hooking up another girl. I mean, I'm sure you have plenty of eye candy, but you know, everybody has eye candy like we live in Nashville. There are trillion attractive people here is, though I can't worry about every single, attractive person in the world. Um, I think though the dynamic on this is us where Toby is really checking out of his family to check. And across that I mean, honestly, like if all of a sudden we were putting our Children down for about nearly Hey, I gotta go. To cross it like that would be a problem in our relationship, not because of where you're going, but because of what you missing.
Shaun
Sure. And I think within that show, they're the bigger issue. Is an honesty thing for sure, because he was sneaking off to do something. Um, and s o. I think a pattern that I think I'm seeing in a lot of this stuff is that we were blaming a lot of things on weight and body type and things like that. But there the underlying issues air, actually. What's going on here?
Isabeau
Well, communication. I mean, when honestly, when I start to feel really crappy about myself, like whether it has anything to do with the actions that you're currently doing, or just the actions that I'm not I just try to get real honest with you and me about where I met and why I mean, right now, for example, our whole family had, like, some weird cold virus thing the last two weeks. So in, like, the past 14 days
Shaun
became the winter, by the way, Like one day, it was 90 degrees. And now is the winter.
Isabeau
Yeah. And so in the last 14 days, I've worked out like I've done, like, one ride on the bike and, like that's the only workout have done so. Full disclosure like I don't feel awesome right now because working out for me helps my psyche like it helps me feel better, which
Shaun
is the big reason I do it
Isabeau
right. But I have a hard time. I have a harder time, I think, getting there and just like doing it anyway. And so, like I. But I know that that's me. So, like when I start to feel insecurity, creep in or I start to feel like I'm not sexy or like I'm super bloated or whatever, that's not because you're working out. It's because I'm not working out. So I think, working out regardless of what size you are, regardless of what size you want to be, I think it's something that to me is very important. If I say the size the rest of my life, I would be okay. But I wouldn't be okay if I didn't work out for the rest. My life like that would trouble me. You know, it wouldn't feel good in my body. And I mean, I guess that kind of leads us to a question like this topic kind of leaves me to a question of, you know, when we met, obviously I did cross that. You do crossfit like we're I still have, like, a very similar body type. I wasn't like a size two then. Um, but I know that you've dated girls that, like, our size to size for that do yoga and do crossfit and do mountain biking and do all these things. And
Shaun
can I just point out that the person you're referencing only started doing cross that mountain biking after we broke up?
Isabeau
I know, but there were certain things that she did during your relationship that you found super like you would tell me you'd be like, It's so sexy that she does X y z. It's so sexy that she does yoga. It's so like so it obviously has been important to him past relationships. Like, how was your relationship with people like that? Different than our relationship is?
Shaun
Um, I think circumstantially our relationship is just inherently different. Um, I think at that point in my life, I was focused on things like that. Like the those were like like, Oh my God, she does yoga and she runs and whatever that was, that was really, really important to me. Then, um, now, what's important to me? Things that are most important to me in no particular order are you know, how well do you love me? How how well do I love you? Because if you're referencing this one person and you got me after we broke up, I was having a really bad break up and is about as my best friend was finally said to me one day she may have been perfect in all other ways, but she didn't want you, which
Isabeau
was kind of the bitchy ist thing ever. But it
Shaun
was also the best thing you ever could have said to me was like, 00 wait. I want someone who wants me like I deserve love. I deserve someone to love me and to care about me. So if this person is not gonna do that, then they are clearly not the perfect person for me. So, um, two more directly answer your question, I guess. Um, so remember, all my priorities have shifted, so but in terms of, you know, you mentioned we started by, actually, the reason that across it was big in the beginning of our relationship had much less to do with us hopscotching weights and being sweaty in the same room. And things like that had had much more to do with the fact that I lived in East Nashville. You lived in Bellevue. And for people who aren't from Nashville, that's about enough. 35 40 minutes away from each other. And this gym was more on the west side of town. So it forced me to come to your side of town more than maybe once a week. Once every other week. I was I went from seeing you every other week, too. Seeing you like 345 days a week, which would then be like, Hey, by the way, I'm gonna make dinner. You want to come over and get to see Seo Beckham and this is you know so and then that is what led into it. So it was much less about like this the eye candy or the sexual part of working out together and far, far more about the fact that it actually just gave us a reason to cross the physical divide between us and to actually spend more time together. Because if you're if you think back the really memorable times in that where you know after dinner, when we're maybe sitting down to write songs together and we're starting to skirt the issue of like, So
Isabeau
who's this
Shaun
song really about, You know?
Isabeau
Well, so you said in, like in the beginning of that answer, you said there was a time in my life where it was really important to me to be with someone who did yoga and who ran and who did all this. And now my priorities were different and, like again, not a trap. But people change. I mean, we're 34 years old. We are in the thick of like family building. You know, we're about to have our third kid in April. We are super solid as a couple. Are you ever concerned that your priorities may shift again and being with somebody who, you know like that, you'll kind of have a midlife crisis. But instead of buying a Corvette, you'll want toe like date. Someone who is a size for with, like, 34 d boobs.
Shaun
No, because, honestly, you said my you know, prior to priorities shift, my priority is you in our family. And ever since I was a little little kid, I knew that that's what I wanted. I wanted my priority to be my my spouse, of my family. My kids. Like that was what I was always aiming for.
Isabeau
How do you know, though, that your priorities won't shift again? I
Shaun
don't know if we're being completely honest. I don't I can't tell you. You know, I might have a mental breaking in 20 years and who knows? Like, but knowing who I am now and who I've been, um, and knowing where where I've wanted to to end up and knowing that I've purposely done things to get there, um, I know that this is what I was always looking for.
Isabeau
Uh huh. So I think it's really common for, like, fit met their fit women to be seen with, like any type of man like you can see, like a really fit, attractively traditionally attractive woman with a lots of different types of men. Big men, small men, like, you know, Tallman, short men, all different sizes, all different colors, all different shapes. I think it is Maura uncommon to see a traditionally fit, attractive man with women who very in sizes and shapes and things like that, like it tends to be that traditionally attractive men go for traditionally attractive women. Do you ever feel like we're mismatched? Do you ever feel like people feel like we're mismatched?
Shaun
No. Um,
Isabeau
I think there's a
Shaun
shift going on right now. And I think, you know, we I'm I brought toxic masculinity. And I think there's I think we're just brought brushing the the surface of Of what is actually happening in that in what young boys are being taught in influenced. Um, because if you think back, like, I think about, like, you know, Family Guy and The Simpsons, where you know, the, you know, Lois, on family guys, this, like, very can be very sexy, you know, like she dresses up in lingerie and all this stuff.
Isabeau
I can't believe you're referencing I but no, no, Follow
Shaun
him for a second and then And Peter is, like, overweight and drinks tons of beer and all that same with The Simpsons. And you know that. You know, The Simpsons were a big part of the nineties and growing up then, um and you know, so you had a very a thin woman with an overweight man. Sitcoms all through the late nineties, early two thousands You see it all over the place. It was the King of Queens with Kevin James. Um, so you're fed a diet of that, that it's okay for, You know, it's a go one way, But you never saw it the other way portrayed on TV,
Isabeau
right? And even now, I mean, if there is an overweight female character, she is most of the time partnered with an overweight male character.
Shaun
Yeah, uh, like,
Isabeau
you know, that shift. Like I would love to have seen them cast Chrissy mets. And this is us opposite, like Brad Pitt. Not literally, but like the opposite, like, super sexy. I mean, not that Chris Sullivan who plays. Toby isn't attractive and and isn't actually in real life, actually very fit, but they actually put him in a fat suit for that role, and I know it was to serve the story. But it would have been really great for someone who's always dated traditionally attractive fit men to see a woman who's overweight, owning her sexuality, owning her awesomeness and not being a victim to her way and instead dating the super hot guy and not questioning his motives and not questioning whether or not he was attracted to her. He had some like fetish. I mean, that's what's so interesting to me is like People sometimes think it's like that someone dating a woman who's overweight or who's curvy or who's plus size that it's like a fetish. And it's like
Shaun
You think that's funny because you asked earlier what my type is. E. I think you were kind of looking to see if I was going to tell you my type. Maybe I'm wrong, but you were looking to see if I was gonna tell you that my type was always curvy women or or anything like that. But, um, I think we're fed a certain stereotypes on this, you know, e think it's it's time for to shift, but I don't know when or if it will come. You know, I I think it will, but I don't know when it will that. And I think this gets to a separate thing to that, Um that may influence that I'm just throwing this out there, but getting to know groups of women and getting to like to see those dynamics, I think women will oftentimes say things to other women that men would never say to other men and that men would certainly never see another, like the women of, like, very critical things.
Isabeau
I think it sums from I mean, from what I've seen, like, I don't have a relationship with my girlfriends where we have critical things to say to one another. If anything, we
Shaun
build each other up,
Isabeau
we build each other up. If anything, the biggest issue that I try to be very good about not participating in is the self deprecation of like Oh, yeah, you know, I would love to fit in those jeans again, but I just can't unit like stuff like that. That's down on them where they're looking for someone to be like I know me too. But I just won't participate in that because I don't think it's really important to fit in a size of a certain size of jeans like you can go buy another size. Um, you know, to me, it all comes down to health and to strengthen thio physical ability. And if your life has bean limited by your body, then yeah, but I mean, as you know, like, do I go trail running or mountain bike, You know, is that only because I'm overweight? No, but the things that I really want to dio like going swimming in the summer and going kayaking in the bay and going for walks with you and even occasionally, like doing a short jog with my Children or playing soccer in the yard or whatever all of those things I'm perfectly capable of doing and I D'oh d'oh! Um, if I started teen things be limited, I would probably revalue. I mean, as I've told you, the most frustrating thing about being overweight in our society is shopping. It's super annoying. Know that, like, I can't just, like go into any store. Unfortunately, there's, um, awesome stores I love now that carry straight sizes like traditional sizes all the way up to plus sizes by most plus size stores look like you're trying to wear like a paper bag and or or they're super super expensive. And it just doesn't make sense, especially if your weight fluctuates, which, like I tend to fluctuate a size or two. So buying $200 jeans so that in a month all be a size smaller makes no sense. So it's just tricky. But I mean, do you think if because since we've been together, I've essentially I gain some weight when I went on that stupid i u D by it and obviously with pregnancies, I've gained weight and then have lost weight. But by and large, I've stayed about the same way about the same size from the timing met until now. Do you think if I were to lose a dramatic amount of weight and be back to being like biggest loser size 10 how do you think that would affect our relationship?
Shaun
I'm going to turn around, ask you a question. If you were in that scenario, are you happy Do you feel good? Do you feel good physically? Do you feel good emotionally? Do you feel good mentally?
Isabeau
Well, I wouldn't lose weight that way again, Like I did on biggest loser. I would. I wouldn't.
Shaun
It was not healthy.
Isabeau
I mean, I want to do it that way. Um, if I were to ever lose a substantial amount of weight, I would imagine it would happen organically. Like it's not something that I mean. You know how I eat. Like, Do I have chocolate cake? Sure. Of course. I delicious. Yeah, but like, am I sitting there eating Burger King and chocolate cake every day? No. I mean, I hardly ever eat fast food. I don't eat.
Shaun
Actually, I've never seen you, like traditional fast food, ever.
Isabeau
I don't drink any soda ever. I hardly drink alcohol, even when I'm not pregnant. I mean, I definitely definitely don't drink alcohol when I'm pregnant. I mean, I eat fairly healthy. I eat pretty much entirely vegetarian, like plant based at this point
Shaun
lately. Yeah.
Isabeau
And so, And typically, you know, I end up around a couple 1000 calories a day, and I do like toe workout. Granted the last two weeks have not been great. But if I were to ever lose weight again, it would be something that just, like, happened to my body. So yeah, I mean, I would imagine that the answer to all those questions Am I happy? Am I well adjusted that the answer would be yes, but no more so than I am at the current moment. I did. But e I think it would be naive to say of you to say that it wouldn't affect our relationship at all, that nothing would
Shaun
say. That's for me to answer.
Isabeau
I know.
Shaun
That's why I was asking your part. Okay, So if you're telling me that in this hypothetical situation where you've lost this way, you're happy, you feel good, you're healthy like your your bloodwork is healthy. You're all of this stuff that you're going to live. Well, I mean, I don't see that it would change the way I feel about you because you're still you might have changed some activities. Maybe because it's easier for you to do something or another. I'm
Isabeau
gonna go mountain biking. I'm going to get you on a
Shaun
mountain like it's goingto Um, Anyway,
Isabeau
I will do it. I will do it now. Pregnant and overweight. I don't care.
Shaun
Maybe not. Maybe not third trimester pregnant. Let's avoid, you know, some major.
Isabeau
I mean, you know, I would try anything for you and end. I think you also know the anything that was really important to you that I tried and couldn't do. I mean, the day we went kayaking on the heart Beth River like I, Sean and I went kayaking on the harp with river.
Shaun
Just gotten these, like, cheap kayaks on Craigslist.
Isabeau
And the Harvest River is a I mean, a deceptive river. Well, it doesn't even look deceptive. It looks challenging. I mean, I am from Cape Cod, where you kayak on us like calm bay and the harp with river like moves. And I was, like, bound and determined to get
Shaun
trying to get through like this One fast section were we're also going upstream first so we could turn around, go back down,
Isabeau
right? And it was impossible. I mean, I felt like these hot rolling tears just streaming down my vase trying to do this, and it was so frustrating. And but I knew it meant so much to Sean that we were out there and doing it together. So I did it. And that is how I've always lived my life. Any time you've ever asked me to do anything that has scared me, that's intimidated me. I will at least try it. I will give it my best. And if it's something that was really important to you, like if all the sudden you're like, I don't know, I really want to run. I really want to do triathlons. And I really want you to do them with me. I mean,
Shaun
for the record, I would never
Isabeau
I know you would never like goodbye. It
Shaun
is the same way you're saying you'd do anything for me. I also am aware of things that you really don't want to dio.
Isabeau
But like the mountain by thing like the thing that you're like, I'm gonna get you on a mountain bike.
Shaun
You don't We say that playing all right.
Isabeau
I know, but but you're not at the same time. And so what I'm telling you is like, if that's really important, you I will get on a mountain bike. It doesn't matter what size I am, and then like, if I can't do it at this size like that probably would motivate me to be, like, All right, if I can't do it a size 20 I better get down to size 18 See how that feels. And, like, try again then. Because if it's something that this that is this important to him, you know, he is that important to me. Not that it would make me want to lose weight, but it makes me wanna participate in your life. And if participating in your life means that I need to get some mush it together, then I'm gonna do that.
Shaun
Yeah, I think I don't know. I think this has been really interesting because there's so much that we've spoken about. And I mean, maybe if we were to listen back, it might feel differently. But just new jerk is that so much we've actually spoken about has less to do with wait and more to do with whether its underlying things or or social pressures or or things like that has. Very while we started this out with the intention of talking about weight and weight discrepancies between partners, it's really had a lot less to do with that?
Isabeau
Well, because I always think that weight is or how you feel about it is just a symptom of how you feel about everything else. I mean, I I didn't the worst I've ever felt about myself with some biggest loser. And when I
Shaun
do figure out this sub
Isabeau
contrary, I mean
Shaun
title of the show, that's why I never wanted to go
Isabeau
on this show is not like is not the worst thing that ever happened to me by any means, like it had amazing opportunities. I learned so much. But the worst I ever felt about myself was when I was consistently consistently being told by, you know, the production I was on that I needed to change because I never believed until then that I really did need to my as you said, like if you were thin and your blood work was finding that stuff. I've been overweight my whole life on my blood work has been fine. Like my thyroid is fine. You don't have diabetes. I don't have anything like there's nothing like and I've had
Shaun
your healthy your cable, your body is capable,
Isabeau
not gone would, by the way, but I mean literally my entire life I've been very lucky to be very healthy. I've carried three now three babies that have also been incredibly healthy. I got pregnant by you looking at me basically. I mean, like,
Shaun
man, that makes me feel
Isabeau
good about myself. So I mean, I really I can't complain about who I am physically. I mean, I I'm don't look in the mirror anymore and see Marilyn Monroe Instead I look in the mirror and I see me and I see all the lumps and bumps and curves and sags and stretch marks and scars and all the things that like are definitely in perfect. And I'm won't lie and say like Hi, love all of that But it's all who I am, and I don't even know that I would change it if I could. And so I guess that's kind of how I feel, because where I'm at right now, my value is so much bigger than my body, and my body might be big, but my value is bigger. And that's just I feel like I'm like everything. All of my value being big, that includes, like my sexiness, my ambition my talent. So why would I focus on this one thing that is in perfect compared to the society that we live in? Because I've been to other places in the world, and they have no problem with it either. So,
Shaun
well, I feel like that's a really good spot to wrap on. Yeah, I feel like we've we've covered some really interesting things. And, um, I'm glad this is something that we've spent the time talking about.
Isabeau
Yeah. And if any of you are out there and listening to this and you can relate or you have a question or you want to give us some feedback on what you think about it, please reach out test you can find us on Instagram at is about it. I know how much money I s a B e a U and a nd Sean S h a u n
Shaun
very, you know, easy to spell names.
Isabeau
Yeah, so you can reach out test there or anywhere else that you would probably find us. Tell us what you're thinking. We can always do a follow up. Um, and I will probably be sharing a block post on this as well. So Thank you so much for joining us for this conversation. We can't wait to welcome you home against him. Thank
Shaun
you so much for spending your time with us
Isabeau
to find out more about us, who we are. And what we're up to head to is a bow I s a B e a U and Shaun s h a u n dot com Or find us on instagram.
Shaun
And don't forget to subscribe to In rate our podcast on apple podcasts Please share with any family and friends who you think would enjoy getting to know us too.
Isabeau
We're so grateful to share our journey with you.
Shaun
See you next time.
We've been best friends for almost 14 years.
Isabeau
Best friends who fell in love.
Shaun
Today we're running multiple businesses, raising almost three boys, juggling family career,
Isabeau
finding our tribe, owning our individuality, pursuing our passions and creating a life that feels like it's authentically our own. I'm Isabeau, I'm Shaun. And together, we're Two Inc.
Isabeau
Welcome to the Two Inc podcast with Isabeau and Shaun
Shaun
Welcome, Welcome
Isabeau
Here, we're going to be talking about being partners in all things: business, parenting, love and life. So this is the first podcast we're recording. But we're not going to do a huge getting to know us thing because you're going to get to know us whether you like it or not
Shaun
We're pretty wide open
Isabeau
We're pretty open. And we'd rather you get to know us through the podcast that we're presenting to you. So we're just gonna jump right in.
Shaun
So I think the format that we're working on is we're picking a subject question topic for each podcast episode, and we're just gonna start there and kind of see where it takes us
Isabeau
exactly. We're kind of letting you in on the conversations that naturally happen in our household anyway.
Shaun
We're filled- we're a household filled with a lot of talkers. Even when the kids go to bed, we stay up.
Isabeau
And a lot of feelings. We have feelings about all the things everything
Shaun
Even our therapist says so
Shaun
Isabeau
our therapist is like you guys might want to feel things a little bit less. So. Today's podcast was inspired by a new workout craze that Shaun and I have kind of jumped on the band on on the bond wagon. We've jumped on the bond. We jumped on the bandwagon with a bit. Um, we bought a Peloton bike about two months ago. Now, yes, and we realized that we needed that because we can never leave our house because we have two tiny humans, soon to be three who demand all of our time and energy
Shaun
What we figured out. Was that you know? Yes. We wanted to go do the gym thing. We've done all sorts of different versions of that, but nothing was happening because, you know, if I couldn't go spend an hour at the gym, it wasn't worth leaving the house. But now I get a you know, at six o'clock or whatever and hop on the bike for 20 minutes.
Isabeau
Yeah, so we got this bike about eight weeks ago. I am currently five months pregnant, so it's been really interesting, cause we're obviously doing two very different workouts. And one of the cool things were really like about the Peloton is a community that it comes with. We're not even sponsored by them yet, but hopefully somebody's listening. OnePeloton.com- but we can give you a promo code. We're just not sponsored by them yet. Um, but so one of the great things about Peloton is the Peloton community that it's very like hooked into social media. And so there's a main Facebook group with the official Peloton Member Page, where there are thousands and thousands of members. And then there are all these kind of subject subcategories of different kinds of people that are riding like there's a singles group, which, obviously
Shaun
there's a Peloton and cocktails group for wine down Wednesday,
Isabeau
which Shaun may or may not be a part of, I don't know, um, but one of the groups that I joined is called the Peloton X X L group. Um which is for Peloton riders that are not, like super fit marathon runners, which I am definitely not. Um, some of you may know me remember me from being on season four of the biggest loser which happened a trillion years ago on NBC on NBC. At that point, it's coming back on USA though. So, you know, if they want to sponsor us, we got to get the branding right. Um, but this podcast topic was kind of inspired by something I saw on that page. I have been plus size curvy over we whatever you want to call it, basically, my entire life, um, obviously was on the biggest loser. You don't go on the biggest loser if your size for, um But, uh, my weight is something that used to be a struggle. Now, it's just kind of a part of who I am. I don't really think about trying to be something else. I just kind of am who I am. Um, but I know for a lot of people, they're actively, really trying to lose weight. And so this post is really interesting. Um, I won't share names. I won't share exact details. but basically the gist of it was Ah, Wife was on this sub sect Peloton page the XXL palate on. And, um, she was saying that it was really challenging for her to not feel badly about herself because her spouse is like a super fit guy, super and shape runner, biker all these things and she feels like she can't keep up. She doesn't feel attractive. And I thought it was really interesting because I happen to be married to a super fit, sexy guy. Thank you.
Shaun
Used to be underweight.
Isabeau
Yeah, by um so I just thought it was a really interesting question to pose. I obviously responded to her separately on the page, but I kind of wanted to open it up with Shaun and get his perspective and talk it out between the two of us because, honestly, as I said, I would be lying if I said that my weight effects absolutely nothing about like my psyche in my life. However, it's just not at the forefront of every single day of my life. And it's certainly not something I feel inadequate because off so Shaun
Shaun
Well, so I think one of the things interesting with this is body image is a big issue in most people's lives these days. I think it's been particularly highlighted by things like you know, instagram and all the different socials and and a lot of the retouching that's going on. So there's a false sense of what your body is supposed to look like, you know, whether it's, you know, fit or plus size or anything in between. Um, I think there's a keen awareness to it now. So I guess you know, since this is originating with the perspective of From Where You're coming from, what is What's your knee jerk reaction to something like that?
Isabeau
Well, my knee jerk reaction and kind of what I responded to the group, um, is that I don't think your value has to do with your weight. I spent a long time believing that lie, and then I got skinny on the biggest loser. I mean skinny being relative for me. I was a size 10 and that's the smallest I've ever been. I could run four and 1/2 miles, which is the most I could and have ever run. Um, and I was probably more unhappy then than I've ever been at a bigger size and it had nothing to do. It's like, Oh, I just wasn't happy, skinny. It had to do with the fact that I felt a lot of pressure. People started popping out of the woodwork who, like, had never been a part of my life, and all of a sudden they want to be a part of my life. And whether that was because of the weight or because of the notoriety of being on a TV show probably had more to do with the notoriety of being on TV show. But it's still I realized in that moment when I was on the stage with lights on me and cameras on me and shooting subway commercials and got milk commercials that my value is not intrinsically tied to the number on a scale. And so what I told this person on this Facebook group was that she had to think of all the amazing things that she added to her husband's life outside of or even because off her weight, you know, what were her hobbies? That she liked to do the added value to his life into his situation. Um you and I are very different body types and because of that, not even because of that, maybe our body types are a result of the things that we most enjoy doing. I love to write. I love to have conversations and meet up with people for a lunch and coffee. I love to go to the theater. I love to write music. I love to do a lot of things that are inherently sedentary. I'm not, Nor have I ever been like a person who cannot wait to go on a hike or cannot wait to go on a run. And I don't mind trying to do active things. Now I think you pushed me to do more active things, which is like part of your value with you. But I also think like part of my value with me is that you now do a lot of those things that I just mentioned.
Shaun
Absolutely.
Isabeau
Because they have become shared interest now. So it doesn't mean that you are less active, like you still like to go mountain biking and you still like to go running. You still like to do very active things, and I probably go for more walks than I ever have. And like, I'll, go kayaking, which I never did before you But at the end of the day, like my baseline is still doing things that are kind of like, you know, cerebral.
Shaun
Sure. So I guess what I'm curious about is so for anyone who doesn't doesn't know us well, we've known each other for a long, long time. We were best friends since before we we started dating. And, you know, we've been very, very, very close.
Isabeau
We truly were friends first, like we were friends for 14 years before we- No. Sorry. We've been friends for 14 years out. We're friends for 10 years before we even entertained any kind of non platonic relationship
Shaun
seen each other through all sorts of things. So it, you know, marriages, relationships and all that. But in so that being said there years, even before that. So I'm curious. You know, I know at least one of your past relationships. I know your relationship with me. But when in what way, I guess has has something like this come into play like you know, in your dating life, in your in things like that is this something that you have? Um, that has come up and that you've been aware of throughout the years and has now evolved to this healthy place that you are. Or what has that been like for you?
Isabeau
For sure, where I am right now at 34 years old and, you know, five months pregnant and two kids, two and 1/2 kids and a marriage that I feel incredibly secure and supported and loved in? Um, that's really new. Uh, in high school, I my best friends were gorgeous cheerleaders, and I was a size 22. So, you know, I had a lot of guy friends that would come to me. To asked me to hook them up with my best friends, but yet they would spend more time with me, and then they'd like, go hook up with my friends. So, like, in high school, that happened a lot. Then in college, I lost weight. I lost, like, 80 pounds in college. Um, between like my second and third year. And when I came back, I still was, like, considered bigger and curvier, I was like a size 18 then but, um But I had a lot more attention, and I dated a lot more. And what was interesting then, is the guy that I started seriously dating at that time still had a hard time like quote claiming me so we would hook up. We would. It was widely known that we were together, and I have it on very good authority with mutual friends of ours from that time frame that he said things like, If Beau which is my nickname, by the way, if Beau would just lose 25 pounds then I would totally date her even though we were already hooking up.
Shaun
So what was the voice in your head doing then?
Isabeau
I wanted to win that I think I wanted in that particular relationship. He was a traditionally fit guy, traditionally good looking, and I'd kind of all a little
Shaun
bit like a Ken doll. I know the guy very well,
Isabeau
and I'd always been told that, you know, by fashion magazines, by family, by friends like that, you have to be a certain way. You have to look a certain way to have a certain kind of person in your life, and, um so I just kind of wanted to win, I think. And that led me down quite the rabbit hole.
Shaun
So was it Did it present itself more as a challenge than anything? Or could you clarify with that?
Isabeau
Yeah. I mean, I think the biggest thing was I I always thought it was really special. Like, I think that, too, that's why I married you
Shaun
why I married
Isabeau
you. I appreciate that. But like, I mean, it's funny, cause I remember when I was a little girl and my weight was an issue, especially for my parents who had a hard time with me being overweight because they're very fit. My whole family's very fit. I remember my mom and my dad saying things like, you know, and they meant it very lovingly, but they'd say things like, You know, you just look in the mirror and see Marilyn Monroe like you, just like I don't see the reality And they said it in a way, like and that's really cool for you, but you need to you need to see like what you're really up against. But I really didn't see anything wrong with me. Like I thought I was really pretty. I knew I was really smart. I knew I was really talented. I've always been super ambitious. So to me, I didn't think there was anything wrong. Um, even though I had all these people tell me that there is something wrong with being overweight. So I think for me, I was, like, on this single handed crusade to prove to the men of the world that it didn't matter if a girl was a size 18 or 20 or 22 or whatever it because I had a lot to offer and I wanted to prove that
Shaun
Wow, that makes a lot of sense.
Isabeau
Hey, now, I know you In college you were, like, 125 pounds. You are, like the opposite. Like when we met. I was a size 18 and you were wearing literal like size four women's skinny jeans. Maybe not as I thought. Maybe like a size six. I
Shaun
can remember what it was, but yeah, no, I mean, I I was very small. It was just ruthlessly made fun of and bullied for my small size. I'm 5'7" I graduated high school at about 128 pounds roughly. I mean, I was very healthy. I well I was racing mountain bikes and snowboarding and, you know, all sorts of stuff, so I was very capable. But my body type was just very thin. And that's all of them. Actually, one of my parents Ah, used to comment on all the time. You know, you could really stand up, put on a few pounds. I No, I always get the woe Woe is me. You know, you need to gain weight. But I mean, body image. Like I said earlier, it's a real thing. And, you know, that was when I was, you know, 17 years old, And I'm 34 now, and I still hear that in the back of my head. Um, you know, I still look at the scale of say, man, if only I did this. Do
Isabeau
you think that your weight at that time or even at this time, do you think that it has affected the choices you've made? Choosing romantic partners are saying and romantic relationships.
Shaun
I think early on, especially in college and in my early twenties, um, for most of my twenties, actually, probably until a few years before we got together. Um, well, maybe even maybe even passed that, um my feeling about my body and how in shape I was and how much I was at the gym really affected the way I acted on a day to day basis.
Isabeau
How so?
Shaun
Um I mean, I always felt physically I felt better. I always liked feeling strong. Um, but I felt better when I looked in the mirror and looked a certain way. I felt like, Oh, now, girls would pay attention to me because I had so full, full disclosure. You know, people talk about having game, you know, I had a negative game, but we'll tell you that, like, I did not know how to talk to girls, I had no idea what I was doing.
Isabeau
You had a really good best friend coach, though for many, many of your single years.
Shaun
And also she knows all of the dirt, all of the details from everything, every relationship, every hook up, every every road story, everything. So
Isabeau
yeah, like the first girl that I really knew you two seriously date was, in my opinion, maybe not the healthiest relationship, I'd say, probably in your opinion, too. And, you know, I wonder, like, did your body image play into your stain in that relationship past the point where it was healthy. I think at
Shaun
that point in my life, I had some other internal stuff going on. Besides body image. Um, where I had a lot of self self worth, like stuff going on. That was part body image part a lot of other things. Um, So that relationship was just like, Oh, my God. I want someone to love me, you know, just because at that point in my life, I didn't I didn't I had just Ah, I just lost my mom a couple years earlier. Um, and just like it was aching for love in my life. So that relationship was just not something very good. Yeah, I think going forward, um, you know, I think there's a lot of toxic masculinity out there. I love that that term is out there now, and I love that. That's something we're talking about, um, because it's allowing me to see certain things that I was kind of felt were wrong, and now it's kind of validated. Um, because I grew up with, like, a single feminist mother, raising an only child. Boy s Oh, um, I kinda had a feeling when things were a little off, but, um, you know, there's always a lot of pressure from other guy friends being like, Oh, you need to, you know, take the hot chick home, you know, and, you know, I'm gonna sound a little crass on some of this stuff, but it was really like that. Like, Oh, who who'd you nail like, really kind of. It is kind of gross, actually thinking back onto it. And I know a lot of guys still talk that way and think there's absolutely nothing wrong with it, you know? It's like, you know, it's the whole, like when you're in high school, what base did you get to? You know, that goes back, like, decades and decades, right? Um, but yeah. I mean, you know, there was a lot of pressure to date the quote hot chick, you know, And, um and there were a lot of times when you know, you go to meet the meet a girl at a bar or whatever, and be like, Okay, so she's She's traditionally hot, I guess. Um but there's not, you know, in certain amount saying all attractive women are aren't brilliant because many are. But, you know, you'd find yourself talking to someone because of the way they look. Not because of who they are and that to me never sat. Well.
Isabeau
Well, now that you I mean, you've put on, like, 40 pounds pretty much since those days. Like, ah, healthy 40. 30 40. Whatever. Um, and like a good looking 30 40 pounds. I mean, you were You've always been good looking. Um, but do you think that now that you're a different size, the different stature I mean to paint a bit of a picture You started CrossFit several years ago. You have much more muscle mass than you did at that point.
Shaun
It's really hard to build that.
Isabeau
Yeah, but do you feel like having a different body type now that you still feel kind of like the kid that weighed 128 pounds that needs to feel validation? Or do you feel like you've come to a different place with your body?
Shaun
I've come to a different place with my life. Very much like what you were talking about earlier. Um, now if I would if I was 34 single. And, um, you know, didn't have kids and all that. This would be a very different. This would probably be a different conversation. Um, maybe it wouldn't I don't know, but I'm very as we talk about all the time. I'm very, very happy in my life right now. It's the happiest I've ever been. Um, you know, I've just very content with with the love and the people in my life. So, um, is that being said, I can back up a number of years and kind of think about how, you know, I've kind of steadied at this weight for a little bit.
Isabeau
Well, when you look in the mirror, who looks back at you, the guy you are now or yeah,
Shaun
yeah, yeah. Interesting. You know, and I still, you know, I saw the idea of like, Oh, I want to look like the guy on the cover of men's health, you know, And
Isabeau
you kind of do that. So I
Shaun
I appreciate that. Um, but yeah, it's It's weird. It's a weird thing like this. There's just an outward pressure look a certain way. Um, I feel better about myself. Physically and maybe I don't know if it's the cart before the horse or what, But, you know, I reached this point where my body looked a certain way, and around that same time, I'm was falling in love with with you at with my best friend And, you know, my family life, my nuclear family life was building in a really great way. My career was was changing and a lot of things were lining up. So, you know, it's tough to say that it was one thing or another, but I think the fact that I looked a certain way and so actually I remember this one very specific instance and this doesn't have to do with dating, but it has to do with just body image, I guess. Um, we S o. I used to spend time. I was a professional musician for a long time. I used to tour do things like that and I've gotten a call Thio. I'd take it a little bit of time off from road stuff and I got a call to play on. I think the CMA Awards with with a group and right around that time, some of the guys from, uh, another group that had come up and we're just gonna blowing up in the country music scene. They were playing it too, so I hadn't seen them in a while. And one of the guys walks up to me backstage, You know, we're back in the bowels of the arena,
Isabeau
and they're really famous. Yeah, uh,
Shaun
and Tyler's like, um,
Isabeau
man, have you been
Shaun
working out? So at that point, he hadn't seen me until 30 pounds later. And like, I'm filling out my shirts in a different way, I'm carrying myself differently. I'm probably my shoulders are back because I was working on my body to look that way. Um, and honestly, part of the reason why I had gotten to this point physically with my body was I needed in my mind. I'm presenting myself on stage. I need to present myself in a certain way and visit in my physical appearance plays into that a lot. Eyes like, you know, the same way people on TV do different things. Um, and I'll never forget how good that made me feel because I'd worked for it. And I have gotten, you know, essentially the approval of this guy who was on the cover of all these magazines and all over the place going man, look at you. You've done that. You look great. This awesome. Yeah, I
Isabeau
e That feels good to anybody regard like and not just necessarily having to do with your body. But anytime somebody recognizes especially effort. I mean, it's one thing to be noticed for something that's kind of God given, I mean for me at least. But when someone notices something that's effort based, I just I always think that's really special.
Shaun
I think that was the probably one of the bigger parts of it was that I had changed my diet. Change my whole life style, too, to change my physical appearance.
Isabeau
Yeah, So you talked a little bit about how when you're in high school and maybe even college how there's, like, this pressure to date, like the hot, traditionally fit girl and you know, I mean, I know a variety of different girls that you've dated. They all kind of range like they're kind of all over the place, spectrum wise. Do you feel like you have a type?
Shaun
No, no, I I think types Air funny because, especially when you're like, talking about, like, dating quizzes and things like that he used to talk about in your twenties and your teens or junior high school, whatever, you know, like I I like butts or I like blondes or what? You know, I never had a thing. It was always about the person.
Isabeau
Was it always about the person, though,
Shaun
you know, ideally, yes. But I mean, they're definitely times I'm not gonna tell you that I only dated people because of, ah, 100% because of who they were. There was a time in my life where I was dating because of the way people looked and because I never had was never able to before that, Um, like I said when I had negative game, like, I did not know what to do when I, you know, I had no idea what I was doing.
Isabeau
I think you have more game than you thought. You know what? Here's the thing you had game you just had, like, 35 year old game instead of like 24 year old.
Shaun
That's what every 24 year old wants. You know, it's a bit like an old man.
Isabeau
No, but you're just you're just ahead of your time because, like, that's the thing. If you were single now, doing some of the things that I know you two have done in your twenties like you would have had all the single moms lining up around the block, you were like writing girls songs and, like, you know, making them dinner and taking them to vineyards And, like, 24 year old girls just want to, like, get drunk of tequila shots.
Shaun
24 year old girls typically more than that, I want to be blown off. And they want the chase. Yeah, which is so weird for me. I'm like, here. I'm giving you this thing that you say you want and you don't want it. What's going on?
Isabeau
Why now? Well, just just know that I'm sure they all wonder what they were doing now, But, um, so I mean, that being said, you don't have a type. You know, I do feel like though everybody has certain things and people that they're attracted to, and it's nice to say like, Oh, I'm just attracted to the person and to what they bring to the table but physically, like there are attributes that cannot be overlooked. I mean, are you attracted to smaller women to larger women? Like what? What? Knowing that you've dated all kinds of kinds, you know? What do you like about different body types that you've dated?
Shaun
Yeah. I want to make sure I answer this
Isabeau
thing. This is not a trap by every guy, and the world is a trap. I
Shaun
feel like this might be a minefield.
Isabeau
It's not. It's not know, But I think
Shaun
the answer to that really comes with where I was or am at any given point in my life.
Isabeau
Like here. Here, I'm gonna make it less of a trap. Thank you. Way we have an amazing sex life, I think, Yeah. I mean, more than any one I've ever dated. And I believe, more than anyone you've ever dated, I think we have a very healthy, consistent, variety filled sex life. And so pictures No way won't go any further than that in this podcast in this episode. But, um, you know, I am definitely I definitely have a different body type than some of the women you've dated, but so I would have looked at some of those women who were traditionally fit, traditionally thin, even some of whom were, you know, unusually thin. And I would say that's interesting that he can have such a successful sex life. Such a wonderful sex life with someone who is a size 20 and someone who's a size two. I mean, typically, most guys like they have a type, you know, they have some kind of type.
Shaun
I mean, I guess the one thing is I didn't like I never went for girls who were, like, abnormally skinny one time you did? Yeah. And like I said, I don't go for that. Yeah, and I mean, I mean, like, very, very, very skinny like
Isabeau
No, not that there's anything wrong with it
Shaun
just wasn't my thing, like right? Honestly, when the bones were sticking out,
Isabeau
it hurts. It's honest. Um, but no, I mean really well lately a thing. Well, for, like this woman who like getting back to the original inspiration for this podcast, who is concerned that, like her husband, can't be attracted term. Whatever. Like what is attractive to you about me and my body type?
Shaun
I mean, I I find you to be absolutely gorgeous. Just I do. It's It's very simple. Um, that being said like I knew you first. I knew you. I knew you as a person. I knew you. And I know I'm feels like I'm skirting the question, but like I, I find you beautiful. And it's not because you're a certain body type or you're not like it's it's more than just personality. It can be boiled until its physical appearance, but I I find that you're really sexy and really beautiful. And, you know, I don't know how else to put it.
Isabeau
No, I mean, I guess the thing is like when it comes to our sex life, beats sides, having a healthy one and one that you know has many facets is ours does, like I definitely feel in a positive way, objectified by you sometimes, like in a very positive way, in a way that's like very self assuring not self surely yes, but very assuring. And, um, you know, I mean, you are very quick to tell me most of the time, like things that you find sexy about me. I mean, do you feel like that's unusual for men to find it's exceed tohave someone who's rounder and have someone who's fuller and all of that.
Shaun
I'd be traditionally, like according to like the locker room talk in high school. Yeah, um, but that's never really mattered to me.
Isabeau
Frankly, I think the only way it's ever really mattered tow any dude is how it reflects socially because I mean, to be honest. And you know this because you know all my stories, like I've never had trouble getting laid. I mean, I've had trouble getting guys to acknowledge that we are a thing because of the locker room talk and they don't want to tell their body is that they're dating the quote fat girl. But I have never had any complaints otherwise.
Shaun
So, speaking of so that the public thing is, one question I had for you is have people especially knowing that you've mean like, so we have different body types, you and and this other major relationship in your life have had different body types. I'd never knew you before that I really only know you known you through to relationships too very long ones. But, um, have you gotten comments or reactions? Besides people saying you know the the guy saying, No, we're not in a relationship external public comments or reactions from people talking about the difference in your body types or like criticizing you or anything like that.
Isabeau
I hear ah lot from many, many, many plus size women that they are, like, targeted that, like people will say things so damn like cab drivers and strand, um, strangers. And honestly, I've never I mean, to my knowledge, I have never experienced anything from, like, an external opinion. I'm sure that they've been said behind my back. Um but to my knowledge, I don't know, I kind of live in this place. That's probably like a total dreamland. But I live in this place where, like everybody thinks I'm a school is, I think, pretty cool on. And I just I I think anybody that I've slept with or dated or hooked up with any of their surrounding friends that have known me like me, even if Justus a friend and they wouldn't, like, shun that person for being attracted to me, um, I think you know, I pretty much almost every guy I've dated You know what? I'm even gonna take that back. Every guy I've dated has been traditionally good looking. I have always dated guys who work out. I've always dated guys with great bodies, even if they don't work out like they just are naturally like athletic. Um, I have always dated guys who other girls want a date. Um, I don't think I've ever dated a guy that, like, would be classified as unattractive, at least to me. Um and yeah, there have definitely been issues with, like, certain guys claiming me as someone they're hooking up with or someone they're dating or someone they're in a relationship with. But there have also been many, many guys that don't seem to really care either. Um, I mean, I think, honestly, probably the most backlash I've gotten is early on from myself of being concerned that there would be a difference of my high school boyfriend was very thin, like he was anything like he on the range of guys I've dated. He was one of the thinner ones. Like he was probably about the size you were when we met. So he was like, 100 and £30 ish. And 57 and I remember before we started dating and he was like, very into me. Very willing. Thio own our relationship, and I remember being very concerned about what people would think with him dating me and vice versa like that. We were so mismatched. Um and really nobody cared like everybody has their own thing. And that's part of what I said to this woman on this post. To is like Maybe people do care in other places are like I have a few friends in New York City that are overweight, and they say It's like a different world there if you're overweight. But for me, I've just I've never experienced that.
Shaun
That's that's great. I'm glad.
Isabeau
Yeah, I mean,
Shaun
you always here They're not always be here terrible stories about, you know, things that are said to people because of their weight and that people were. Some people feel like they congee just be open and say things that you would you shouldn't have just never to say to somebody,
Isabeau
honestly, that that hardest comments come from kids. Yeah, like adults. I I feel like adults know better, but it's ever in relation to like who I'm dating. It's like, you know, like your kid will be like she is bigger than my dad and you're like, Well, I am. I mean, I'm I'm tall for a woman.
Shaun
Kids were One thing that we know, especially having kids young kids is that they don't have a filter, and they are honest to what their brain tells them,
Isabeau
right? And so kids are, like, very honest, and you can't even really I mean, you can't get mad at it. You can't get mad when, like, your kidsfriends says something like, Are you having a baby? And you're not. I mean, fortunately, I am. So for like, four more months, I do have an excuse, but you can't really get mad about it. Can definitely staying because you're like, I don't want to be bigger than your dad, But, um, at the same time, I don't know what size their data is there. Dad might be 100 and £15.5 foot three. So, like, yeah, I
Shaun
mean, think of what I've been,
Isabeau
you know? So so I mean, I try not to take that personally, but I would say the only other place that I've ever had someone even make a comment about like people a day or like how a date is from other women who are overweight. It was so and it's not. It's not. It's it's actually, it's funny. It's like asking how I get guys to like me or asking like I had one friend. She's a friend of mine and she's super amazing. She's this amazing woman who is successful in her career. Talented, funny, beautiful. She's also always struggled with her weight, been considered plus size, but again, like not abnormally so not like to the point that you're seriously seriously concerned for her health. Um, and you know, she sent me Aah! Direct message on Instagram Once it was like, I don't understand how you date all these hot guys on. I want to do right back because I'm a hot girl. But I also like I also I'm friends with a lot of guys, and most of the guys I've ended up dating have stemmed from friendship. So I think, you know, I do think there's something to be said for for getting together with a friend. It's it's comfortable. There is. When you do that, there's typically some kind of underlying sexual tension, and it's kind of natural for most friendships to evolve from platonic into not platonic.
Shaun
Sure. So, I mean, I guess this is probably a topic for another conversation. But, you know, I guess that they're well, no, no, I think this should be another conversation, but just to brush over the surface, like I I think that gets into dating culture more than it gets into, you know, you know, body type and wait and things like that because, you know, we're talking about in the way the way we met and the way our friendship developed was like you said as friends and, um and, you know, from my years of dating there, you know, when you think of Okay, where am I gonna meet someone you go to, like, a bar and you, like, sit down next to somebody or you like you think about from, like, a movie. You see, you know, some some Carson on the other side of a bar that you're gonna send a drink to and then maybe strike up a conversation and like, that's not the way any of the relationships that have any relationship that I've really liked in my life like thinking back onto them because obviously, you know, only one of them has worked out. But there were other ones that I have value better than I do. Value did value. Um, you know, they just weren't the right ones for me, but they all all of the ones that had that kind of value stemmed from situations that were not just meeting in a bar or, you know, this this general idea of, like, how you're supposed to meet someone. It was very much more like what you're saying of, like, a being friends and because there's a much deeper, broader foundation to build on there.
Isabeau
Yeah, and I think it we can definitely dive into this more in another podcast, like specifically about dating, but and this is obviously a vast generalization. But I think part of the reason I've dated hot guys as a bigger girl and part of the reason like my weight has been less of an issue is because I didn't meet anybody that I was dating, like in organically. Um, I almost interrupted what you were saying to say fat girls can't meet people in a bar, but that's obviously not true. I've met people in a bar I've hooked up with people that I've met in a bar. Um, I've dated people I've met in a bar, but I agree with you like my most meaningful relationships, where my weight I don't even feel like it was part of really the equation, even though it obviously Woz. But those are people I've met organically and have gotten to know through work or through school or whatever. And they already knew me, including what I look like. There was no, like, Shaq and off like, Oh, my God, she's a size 20. It's like, Yeah, I know that I've seen her for the last six months, like every single day. So, um, yeah, I mean, I you know, I think, though, ah, lot of the shame that some people feel is but is has nothing really to do with who they actually are and who their spouse actually is. But it has to do with what they think they're supposed to be. Um, so I don't know. I mean, have you ever felt that my body type for my lack of fitness has negatively impacted your life or your ability to participate in, like, fitness activities.
Shaun
No, I mean, I don't think it's been something like that. I mean, the only things were our personality things where and this is I'm gonna back up because I realized that it's gonna come off wrong. Um, like I like to go camping.
Isabeau
That has nothing to do with fitness, though exactly. But those are the
Shaun
types of things like, I love to go trail running, and I love to go mountain biking. And those are things that you don't like and that's I don't know that. I mean, maybe it is because of body type. Maybe it's not. I don't think it is really fully because of your body type of thing. It's just interests, you know?
Isabeau
Well, I mean, I'm not gonna lie and say like, Oh, I would hate mountain biking and trail running even if I was a size, too, because I have never been a size, too. I mean, what I know is I don't like doing those things because number one, they're hard, like they're hard for me to know, and that's been really helpful to like both of us being really up front and you being like Oh, no, that's hard. Like
Shaun
for me. Even if I'm getting into a point where I'm in really, really good shape at something, it it's never gonna be easy because I always want to get better at it, right, So he's gonna be hard.
Isabeau
So having movie like I mean, honestly, one of the better things I ever did for my psychological relationship to my body was to do CrossFit um,
Shaun
I was actually gonna bring that up a little bit.
Isabeau
Yeah, before cross that became like this crazy, competitive competitive thing that now is very, very hard for any just Lehman to participate in its not for regular. It's her regular humans anymore. But when we started it, what five and 1/2 years ago? Six years ago, it was very much like scalable fitness for everybody. And it was like the best thing I ever did for my psyche. CrossFit at that time, because I was working out alongside athletes and I was doing essentially the same workout is them, except, like they would be running six laps and I would be running three. And so obviously it's not exactly the same workout, but it's the same quality, if not the same quantity, and it made me feel really empowered and really strong. So I think that, like that is a really good thing to have done because I realized like those athletes were just scaling up. It was equally as hard for them as it was for someone who was like, pretty much completely out of shape, like me. And we were doing the same workout but differently. Um, but yeah, I mean, you know, outside of the fact that it's hard and that I have an iPod and I sweat a lot like I sweat more than just like any other human being.
Shaun
You say yourself that your face sweater
Isabeau
I have Fawcett face.
Shaun
It's It's not like you're sweating all over your body. It's just very intrusively. Your body's like,
Isabeau
No, I just want you to know there's a lot
Shaun
of sweat coming out of your face. It's in your
Isabeau
eyes, is in my mouth.
Shaun
Your face is like one of those really personal places. Like if something hurts on your face, it feels like it's in your yourself. I don't know.
Isabeau
Yeah, I know. And so I sweat a lot. And then when you take things outside your also getting mosquito bites and like they're snakes. We live in Tennessee like they're spider like I just don't find any of that even remotely appealing in it.
Shaun
I don't want to go camping. E wanted, like, Ah, Canyon, Utah.
Isabeau
It's not just because I'm overweight, like it probably does have something to do with the fact that Lake, I mean, when you and I go on like a walk together and granted, like I'm I know I'm pregnant right now, whatever. But when we go on a walk together and you're just like talking like this and that and I'm like I went to the grocery store then that doesn't make me feel sexy or good or accomplished, and it makes me think like, Oh, God, he probably is like, What am I even doing
Shaun
it this toe? I couldn't tell you one time that you did that.
Isabeau
I can tell you that it's every time. That's what I'm saying, Lee,
Shaun
you're thinking, I'm watching you and thinking, Oh my God, what's this? What's this girl doing it? And for me, I there's literally been not one single time that that has ever registered with me. Yeah. I mean, I think the only time I'm aware of it is when you're further along pregnancy, because it's like Okay, well, I want to make sure she doesn't overdo it, because that has bigger ramifications. But the rest of the time, I've never been like, Oh, we need to slow it down or like whatever. Because, you know, the you know where your body is and like what you're you can do. And we just kind of do that. That's perfect.
Isabeau
Well, I think that's where Wait gets really tricky. And like what part of this post was really interesting is because, like, wait more often than not or like the perception of weight and body image has way more effect on you individually, then it does on the person that you're afraid it's affecting. You know what I mean? Like every time, every time I felt like bad about myself or whatever, and any time it's ever registered is like, Oh my gosh, Sean must think I'm this or I'm a failure on that room out of shape. I don't think probably you've ever thought those things about me, at least not in in congruence with my thoughts about it. So I think that that's what makes us so tricky is we all have these stories that we tell ourselves about what someone else must be thinking about us when in actuality, like because everybody else has their own and securities in their own thing. Like this woman, for example, who's like my husband's a marathon runner, and he is probably so embarrassed by me. Your husband's probably just trying to beat his marathon time, you know? I mean, like, he probably doesn't really. He's probably grateful that you're not going out on training runs with him, so he doesn't need to worry about, like, you know, not succeeding in front of you or, you know, And he all He has to worry about shaving two minutes off his time, and he doesn't need to worry about his partner. So I mean, I can't speak for everybody. I'm sure that there are guys out there who dating someone who was not at the same fitness levels them would be inhibiting. But I think 90% of the time it's a self made problem.
Shaun
Yeah, I mean, I completely agree that the voice inside our heads is really it. Can most the time be our biggest worst enemy? Our biggest worst, the worst. I'm gonna keep
Isabeau
thinking first. I like.
Shaun
So I guess, speaking of crossfit and all that, um, we we mentioned that we would probably bringing this up, but we one of her shows that we really love to watch is this is us. Um, you know, we cry weekly least once a week,
Isabeau
and Christy Mats and I are basically best friends. We're not. We met one time, but but I I hugged her. And I told her how brave I think she was because of the book that Shiro has nothing to do with her portrayal of Kate, which is also genius. But I just I think her book is such a testament to what the struggle is to be an overweight woman. So, um, I just really admire her for her courage and sharing so many details about her life.
Shaun
So I think one of what, you know, if you're not caught up at this point, sorry. No, that's fine. Um, I agree with all of what you see here. Uh, yeah, um, in one of the more recent episodes, Kate the Kates. The character Kate finds out that her husband, Toby, his and spoiler, if you hadn't gotten this mute for the next 30 seconds, whatever she finds out that he's been sneaking off to the gym, specifically CrossFit. Because everyone has a target on the back of CrossFit, sometimes rightfully so. But, um, and that he has been lying about. He's going out to get groceries or what Africa but and all of a sudden he's, like, Lost all this way and all this stuff. Um, so what has what did that episode and like? And that contact seeing that on T v. Ah, and the way they highlighted different things. What did that make you think? What, what did that bring up for you?
Isabeau
A few different things, Um, first,
Shaun
because I think that really gets into sorry. I think that really gets into what this woman may have been posting about. Sure. So glad.
Isabeau
Well, first, I think what's tricky about it is I love this is us. It's like one of my favorite TV shows in the world. However, I think the portrayal of what it is to be an overweight woman in actuality is not bad. It's just not three dimensional. I think that being overweight, struggling with your body image, struggling with your romantic relationships with your sexual relationships, like anything having to center around your weight like it is very complicated. It's not like I'm overweight, and therefore I'm sad. I mean, when I've been like the heaviest I've been, which is not right now. But when I've been like the heaviest I've ever been, it's not just shame that goes into that like sometimes you feel a lot of shame. Sometimes you feel super sexy sometimes like and I don't feel like this is us always paints a complete picture of what it means to be overweight. Um, so that's my first thought is like The character of K is brilliantly played by Carsey Mets. However, I think that it could be more complex than just a what was me? I'm overweight, I eat my food. I ate my emotions and like that's who I am because at least like I don't go around every day thinking that I'm a victim because of my weight.
Shaun
So I guess I pathetically like, let's say whoever it is, he's trying to lose the weight loses the way. What you're saying is that those problems are still there.
Isabeau
You deeply I mean, like, those problems really have nothing to do with weight, like someone who isn't a position like that, where every single day their thoughts about themselves are governing their choices and governing the relationships. That's not a weight issue. That's a person issue. So I mean, that's number one, how I feel about it. But what you're really zero in and on here is the dynamic between Kate, who is overweight on the show, and her relationship with Toby, her husband, who once was overweight and has decided to channel Hiss frustrations and his joy and his everything into getting fit instead of eating his emotions. Basically, um, it's interesting because you can definitely feel the insecurity of that. I mean, you always go to the gym. I go to the gym often, Um, I like to work out. Um, they're sometimes I go the gym more than you do. We typically go to different gyms because you like to do CrossFit and I like to go work out at the Y. Um, and I would be lying if I said that there wasn't a small part of me that I don't know if jealous is the right word. Or I guess I'm aware of the fact that when you go to the gym you're definitely working out with, like, traditionally hot women, Elliot. And again it depends. What, Jim, you're going to you go to a couple different ones, but like you're working out with people who have traditionally attractive body types and that I think cross, that is kind of a sexual thing. Anyway, like you're all kind of breathing in synchronicity like there is something kind of animalistic
Shaun
really romanticize
Isabeau
it. But I think that there is, like, an awareness of that. And when you come back from CrossFit, especially when you're going regularly, it's definitely is something I'm aware of. If I'm not doing it with you and thinking to myself, maybe I should get back into CrossFit. Uh, so why? Because I mean number one full disclosure like history of us. When we got together, we were both going across that religiously and like I was feeling really good, I'd lost £20. I only like £10 heavier than I was at that point, but I lost like quite a bit of weight. My whole body, like free shaped itself. Yeah,
Shaun
very like at that point in time, you and I were both pushing ourselves physically to see, like, how much weight we can lift. That's a big thing. And we were, like, basically on par with each other.
Isabeau
And like, obviously because you just brought it up to this day, you still talk about it in a way that almost is, like, romanticizing it like, Oh, we really going neck and neck like you're so strong. And it made me feel really capable and really sexy. And so now that I don't really do CrossFit and haven't for several years since my favorite Jim closed down, um, I feel like well, after because we started our relationship on that. Does it make me less sexy? Because I don't do that anymore. You know, I don't really worry about like you going to the gym and hooking up another girl. I mean, I'm sure you have plenty of eye candy, but you know, everybody has eye candy like we live in Nashville. There are trillion attractive people here is, though I can't worry about every single, attractive person in the world. Um, I think though the dynamic on this is us where Toby is really checking out of his family to check. And across that I mean, honestly, like if all of a sudden we were putting our Children down for about nearly Hey, I gotta go. To cross it like that would be a problem in our relationship, not because of where you're going, but because of what you missing.
Shaun
Sure. And I think within that show, they're the bigger issue. Is an honesty thing for sure, because he was sneaking off to do something. Um, and s o. I think a pattern that I think I'm seeing in a lot of this stuff is that we were blaming a lot of things on weight and body type and things like that. But there the underlying issues air, actually. What's going on here?
Isabeau
Well, communication. I mean, when honestly, when I start to feel really crappy about myself, like whether it has anything to do with the actions that you're currently doing, or just the actions that I'm not I just try to get real honest with you and me about where I met and why I mean, right now, for example, our whole family had, like, some weird cold virus thing the last two weeks. So in, like, the past 14 days
Shaun
became the winter, by the way, Like one day, it was 90 degrees. And now is the winter.
Isabeau
Yeah. And so in the last 14 days, I've worked out like I've done, like, one ride on the bike and, like that's the only workout have done so. Full disclosure like I don't feel awesome right now because working out for me helps my psyche like it helps me feel better, which
Shaun
is the big reason I do it
Isabeau
right. But I have a hard time. I have a harder time, I think, getting there and just like doing it anyway. And so, like I. But I know that that's me. So, like when I start to feel insecurity, creep in or I start to feel like I'm not sexy or like I'm super bloated or whatever, that's not because you're working out. It's because I'm not working out. So I think, working out regardless of what size you are, regardless of what size you want to be, I think it's something that to me is very important. If I say the size the rest of my life, I would be okay. But I wouldn't be okay if I didn't work out for the rest. My life like that would trouble me. You know, it wouldn't feel good in my body. And I mean, I guess that kind of leads us to a question like this topic kind of leaves me to a question of, you know, when we met, obviously I did cross that. You do crossfit like we're I still have, like, a very similar body type. I wasn't like a size two then. Um, but I know that you've dated girls that, like, our size to size for that do yoga and do crossfit and do mountain biking and do all these things. And
Shaun
can I just point out that the person you're referencing only started doing cross that mountain biking after we broke up?
Isabeau
I know, but there were certain things that she did during your relationship that you found super like you would tell me you'd be like, It's so sexy that she does X y z. It's so sexy that she does yoga. It's so like so it obviously has been important to him past relationships. Like, how was your relationship with people like that? Different than our relationship is?
Shaun
Um, I think circumstantially our relationship is just inherently different. Um, I think at that point in my life, I was focused on things like that. Like the those were like like, Oh my God, she does yoga and she runs and whatever that was, that was really, really important to me. Then, um, now, what's important to me? Things that are most important to me in no particular order are you know, how well do you love me? How how well do I love you? Because if you're referencing this one person and you got me after we broke up, I was having a really bad break up and is about as my best friend was finally said to me one day she may have been perfect in all other ways, but she didn't want you, which
Isabeau
was kind of the bitchy ist thing ever. But it
Shaun
was also the best thing you ever could have said to me was like, 00 wait. I want someone who wants me like I deserve love. I deserve someone to love me and to care about me. So if this person is not gonna do that, then they are clearly not the perfect person for me. So, um, two more directly answer your question, I guess. Um, so remember, all my priorities have shifted, so but in terms of, you know, you mentioned we started by, actually, the reason that across it was big in the beginning of our relationship had much less to do with us hopscotching weights and being sweaty in the same room. And things like that had had much more to do with the fact that I lived in East Nashville. You lived in Bellevue. And for people who aren't from Nashville, that's about enough. 35 40 minutes away from each other. And this gym was more on the west side of town. So it forced me to come to your side of town more than maybe once a week. Once every other week. I was I went from seeing you every other week, too. Seeing you like 345 days a week, which would then be like, Hey, by the way, I'm gonna make dinner. You want to come over and get to see Seo Beckham and this is you know so and then that is what led into it. So it was much less about like this the eye candy or the sexual part of working out together and far, far more about the fact that it actually just gave us a reason to cross the physical divide between us and to actually spend more time together. Because if you're if you think back the really memorable times in that where you know after dinner, when we're maybe sitting down to write songs together and we're starting to skirt the issue of like, So
Isabeau
who's this
Shaun
song really about, You know?
Isabeau
Well, so you said in, like in the beginning of that answer, you said there was a time in my life where it was really important to me to be with someone who did yoga and who ran and who did all this. And now my priorities were different and, like again, not a trap. But people change. I mean, we're 34 years old. We are in the thick of like family building. You know, we're about to have our third kid in April. We are super solid as a couple. Are you ever concerned that your priorities may shift again and being with somebody who, you know like that, you'll kind of have a midlife crisis. But instead of buying a Corvette, you'll want toe like date. Someone who is a size for with, like, 34 d boobs.
Shaun
No, because, honestly, you said my you know, prior to priorities shift, my priority is you in our family. And ever since I was a little little kid, I knew that that's what I wanted. I wanted my priority to be my my spouse, of my family. My kids. Like that was what I was always aiming for.
Isabeau
How do you know, though, that your priorities won't shift again? I
Shaun
don't know if we're being completely honest. I don't I can't tell you. You know, I might have a mental breaking in 20 years and who knows? Like, but knowing who I am now and who I've been, um, and knowing where where I've wanted to to end up and knowing that I've purposely done things to get there, um, I know that this is what I was always looking for.
Isabeau
Uh huh. So I think it's really common for, like, fit met their fit women to be seen with, like any type of man like you can see, like a really fit, attractively traditionally attractive woman with a lots of different types of men. Big men, small men, like, you know, Tallman, short men, all different sizes, all different colors, all different shapes. I think it is Maura uncommon to see a traditionally fit, attractive man with women who very in sizes and shapes and things like that, like it tends to be that traditionally attractive men go for traditionally attractive women. Do you ever feel like we're mismatched? Do you ever feel like people feel like we're mismatched?
Shaun
No. Um,
Isabeau
I think there's a
Shaun
shift going on right now. And I think, you know, we I'm I brought toxic masculinity. And I think there's I think we're just brought brushing the the surface of Of what is actually happening in that in what young boys are being taught in influenced. Um, because if you think back, like, I think about, like, you know, Family Guy and The Simpsons, where you know, the, you know, Lois, on family guys, this, like, very can be very sexy, you know, like she dresses up in lingerie and all this stuff.
Isabeau
I can't believe you're referencing I but no, no, Follow
Shaun
him for a second and then And Peter is, like, overweight and drinks tons of beer and all that same with The Simpsons. And you know that. You know, The Simpsons were a big part of the nineties and growing up then, um and you know, so you had a very a thin woman with an overweight man. Sitcoms all through the late nineties, early two thousands You see it all over the place. It was the King of Queens with Kevin James. Um, so you're fed a diet of that, that it's okay for, You know, it's a go one way, But you never saw it the other way portrayed on TV,
Isabeau
right? And even now, I mean, if there is an overweight female character, she is most of the time partnered with an overweight male character.
Shaun
Yeah, uh, like,
Isabeau
you know, that shift. Like I would love to have seen them cast Chrissy mets. And this is us opposite, like Brad Pitt. Not literally, but like the opposite, like, super sexy. I mean, not that Chris Sullivan who plays. Toby isn't attractive and and isn't actually in real life, actually very fit, but they actually put him in a fat suit for that role, and I know it was to serve the story. But it would have been really great for someone who's always dated traditionally attractive fit men to see a woman who's overweight, owning her sexuality, owning her awesomeness and not being a victim to her way and instead dating the super hot guy and not questioning his motives and not questioning whether or not he was attracted to her. He had some like fetish. I mean, that's what's so interesting to me is like People sometimes think it's like that someone dating a woman who's overweight or who's curvy or who's plus size that it's like a fetish. And it's like
Shaun
You think that's funny because you asked earlier what my type is. E. I think you were kind of looking to see if I was going to tell you my type. Maybe I'm wrong, but you were looking to see if I was gonna tell you that my type was always curvy women or or anything like that. But, um, I think we're fed a certain stereotypes on this, you know, e think it's it's time for to shift, but I don't know when or if it will come. You know, I I think it will, but I don't know when it will that. And I think this gets to a separate thing to that, Um that may influence that I'm just throwing this out there, but getting to know groups of women and getting to like to see those dynamics, I think women will oftentimes say things to other women that men would never say to other men and that men would certainly never see another, like the women of, like, very critical things.
Isabeau
I think it sums from I mean, from what I've seen, like, I don't have a relationship with my girlfriends where we have critical things to say to one another. If anything, we
Shaun
build each other up,
Isabeau
we build each other up. If anything, the biggest issue that I try to be very good about not participating in is the self deprecation of like Oh, yeah, you know, I would love to fit in those jeans again, but I just can't unit like stuff like that. That's down on them where they're looking for someone to be like I know me too. But I just won't participate in that because I don't think it's really important to fit in a size of a certain size of jeans like you can go buy another size. Um, you know, to me, it all comes down to health and to strengthen thio physical ability. And if your life has bean limited by your body, then yeah, but I mean, as you know, like, do I go trail running or mountain bike, You know, is that only because I'm overweight? No, but the things that I really want to dio like going swimming in the summer and going kayaking in the bay and going for walks with you and even occasionally, like doing a short jog with my Children or playing soccer in the yard or whatever all of those things I'm perfectly capable of doing and I D'oh d'oh! Um, if I started teen things be limited, I would probably revalue. I mean, as I've told you, the most frustrating thing about being overweight in our society is shopping. It's super annoying. Know that, like, I can't just, like go into any store. Unfortunately, there's, um, awesome stores I love now that carry straight sizes like traditional sizes all the way up to plus sizes by most plus size stores look like you're trying to wear like a paper bag and or or they're super super expensive. And it just doesn't make sense, especially if your weight fluctuates, which, like I tend to fluctuate a size or two. So buying $200 jeans so that in a month all be a size smaller makes no sense. So it's just tricky. But I mean, do you think if because since we've been together, I've essentially I gain some weight when I went on that stupid i u D by it and obviously with pregnancies, I've gained weight and then have lost weight. But by and large, I've stayed about the same way about the same size from the timing met until now. Do you think if I were to lose a dramatic amount of weight and be back to being like biggest loser size 10 how do you think that would affect our relationship?
Shaun
I'm going to turn around, ask you a question. If you were in that scenario, are you happy Do you feel good? Do you feel good physically? Do you feel good emotionally? Do you feel good mentally?
Isabeau
Well, I wouldn't lose weight that way again, Like I did on biggest loser. I would. I wouldn't.
Shaun
It was not healthy.
Isabeau
I mean, I want to do it that way. Um, if I were to ever lose a substantial amount of weight, I would imagine it would happen organically. Like it's not something that I mean. You know how I eat. Like, Do I have chocolate cake? Sure. Of course. I delicious. Yeah, but like, am I sitting there eating Burger King and chocolate cake every day? No. I mean, I hardly ever eat fast food. I don't eat.
Shaun
Actually, I've never seen you, like traditional fast food, ever.
Isabeau
I don't drink any soda ever. I hardly drink alcohol, even when I'm not pregnant. I mean, I definitely definitely don't drink alcohol when I'm pregnant. I mean, I eat fairly healthy. I eat pretty much entirely vegetarian, like plant based at this point
Shaun
lately. Yeah.
Isabeau
And so, And typically, you know, I end up around a couple 1000 calories a day, and I do like toe workout. Granted the last two weeks have not been great. But if I were to ever lose weight again, it would be something that just, like, happened to my body. So yeah, I mean, I would imagine that the answer to all those questions Am I happy? Am I well adjusted that the answer would be yes, but no more so than I am at the current moment. I did. But e I think it would be naive to say of you to say that it wouldn't affect our relationship at all, that nothing would
Shaun
say. That's for me to answer.
Isabeau
I know.
Shaun
That's why I was asking your part. Okay, So if you're telling me that in this hypothetical situation where you've lost this way, you're happy, you feel good, you're healthy like your your bloodwork is healthy. You're all of this stuff that you're going to live. Well, I mean, I don't see that it would change the way I feel about you because you're still you might have changed some activities. Maybe because it's easier for you to do something or another. I'm
Isabeau
gonna go mountain biking. I'm going to get you on a
Shaun
mountain like it's goingto Um, Anyway,
Isabeau
I will do it. I will do it now. Pregnant and overweight. I don't care.
Shaun
Maybe not. Maybe not third trimester pregnant. Let's avoid, you know, some major.
Isabeau
I mean, you know, I would try anything for you and end. I think you also know the anything that was really important to you that I tried and couldn't do. I mean, the day we went kayaking on the heart Beth River like I, Sean and I went kayaking on the harp with river.
Shaun
Just gotten these, like, cheap kayaks on Craigslist.
Isabeau
And the Harvest River is a I mean, a deceptive river. Well, it doesn't even look deceptive. It looks challenging. I mean, I am from Cape Cod, where you kayak on us like calm bay and the harp with river like moves. And I was, like, bound and determined to get
Shaun
trying to get through like this One fast section were we're also going upstream first so we could turn around, go back down,
Isabeau
right? And it was impossible. I mean, I felt like these hot rolling tears just streaming down my vase trying to do this, and it was so frustrating. And but I knew it meant so much to Sean that we were out there and doing it together. So I did it. And that is how I've always lived my life. Any time you've ever asked me to do anything that has scared me, that's intimidated me. I will at least try it. I will give it my best. And if it's something that was really important to you, like if all the sudden you're like, I don't know, I really want to run. I really want to do triathlons. And I really want you to do them with me. I mean,
Shaun
for the record, I would never
Isabeau
I know you would never like goodbye. It
Shaun
is the same way you're saying you'd do anything for me. I also am aware of things that you really don't want to dio.
Isabeau
But like the mountain by thing like the thing that you're like, I'm gonna get you on a mountain bike.
Shaun
You don't We say that playing all right.
Isabeau
I know, but but you're not at the same time. And so what I'm telling you is like, if that's really important, you I will get on a mountain bike. It doesn't matter what size I am, and then like, if I can't do it at this size like that probably would motivate me to be, like, All right, if I can't do it a size 20 I better get down to size 18 See how that feels. And, like, try again then. Because if it's something that this that is this important to him, you know, he is that important to me. Not that it would make me want to lose weight, but it makes me wanna participate in your life. And if participating in your life means that I need to get some mush it together, then I'm gonna do that.
Shaun
Yeah, I think I don't know. I think this has been really interesting because there's so much that we've spoken about. And I mean, maybe if we were to listen back, it might feel differently. But just new jerk is that so much we've actually spoken about has less to do with wait and more to do with whether its underlying things or or social pressures or or things like that has. Very while we started this out with the intention of talking about weight and weight discrepancies between partners, it's really had a lot less to do with that?
Isabeau
Well, because I always think that weight is or how you feel about it is just a symptom of how you feel about everything else. I mean, I I didn't the worst I've ever felt about myself with some biggest loser. And when I
Shaun
do figure out this sub
Isabeau
contrary, I mean
Shaun
title of the show, that's why I never wanted to go
Isabeau
on this show is not like is not the worst thing that ever happened to me by any means, like it had amazing opportunities. I learned so much. But the worst I ever felt about myself was when I was consistently consistently being told by, you know, the production I was on that I needed to change because I never believed until then that I really did need to my as you said, like if you were thin and your blood work was finding that stuff. I've been overweight my whole life on my blood work has been fine. Like my thyroid is fine. You don't have diabetes. I don't have anything like there's nothing like and I've had
Shaun
your healthy your cable, your body is capable,
Isabeau
not gone would, by the way, but I mean literally my entire life I've been very lucky to be very healthy. I've carried three now three babies that have also been incredibly healthy. I got pregnant by you looking at me basically. I mean, like,
Shaun
man, that makes me feel
Isabeau
good about myself. So I mean, I really I can't complain about who I am physically. I mean, I I'm don't look in the mirror anymore and see Marilyn Monroe Instead I look in the mirror and I see me and I see all the lumps and bumps and curves and sags and stretch marks and scars and all the things that like are definitely in perfect. And I'm won't lie and say like Hi, love all of that But it's all who I am, and I don't even know that I would change it if I could. And so I guess that's kind of how I feel, because where I'm at right now, my value is so much bigger than my body, and my body might be big, but my value is bigger. And that's just I feel like I'm like everything. All of my value being big, that includes, like my sexiness, my ambition my talent. So why would I focus on this one thing that is in perfect compared to the society that we live in? Because I've been to other places in the world, and they have no problem with it either. So,
Shaun
well, I feel like that's a really good spot to wrap on. Yeah, I feel like we've we've covered some really interesting things. And, um, I'm glad this is something that we've spent the time talking about.
Isabeau
Yeah. And if any of you are out there and listening to this and you can relate or you have a question or you want to give us some feedback on what you think about it, please reach out test you can find us on Instagram at is about it. I know how much money I s a B e a U and a nd Sean S h a u n
Shaun
very, you know, easy to spell names.
Isabeau
Yeah, so you can reach out test there or anywhere else that you would probably find us. Tell us what you're thinking. We can always do a follow up. Um, and I will probably be sharing a block post on this as well. So Thank you so much for joining us for this conversation. We can't wait to welcome you home against him. Thank
Shaun
you so much for spending your time with us
Isabeau
to find out more about us, who we are. And what we're up to head to is a bow I s a B e a U and Shaun s h a u n dot com Or find us on instagram.
Shaun
And don't forget to subscribe to In rate our podcast on apple podcasts Please share with any family and friends who you think would enjoy getting to know us too.
Isabeau
We're so grateful to share our journey with you.
Shaun
See you next time.